


Timeless Memories

by Hydr4gon (Arceus6892)



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Blood Drinking, Disturbing Themes, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Angst, Graduation, Heavy Angst, M/M, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-05-17 14:08:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 39,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arceus6892/pseuds/Hydr4gon
Summary: As graduation nears, the laughs they shared, the tears they cried together all come to an end.  To Ritsu, everything all seems too familiar.  The same, dry goodbyes that he doesn't want to hear.  The same, agonizing pain of knowing that from this point forward, the person he loves most will disappear.  Countless times over.After all, vampires are immortal.  Even if that means they have to relive what they've already seen.*Updates every other Saturday**SEVERE CONTENT WARNING!  Dark themes consistent throughout.  Please check the description of the first chapter before reading.**





	1. Calm Before the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> *****WARNING*****  
>  **This work contains dark, disturbing content. For the sake of avoiding spoilers, I have opted not to provide detailed warnings, but this story is not for the faint of heart. As this is an 'Explicit' work, it is not suitable for minors nor those who are easily disturbed. By continuing to keep reading, you are providing your consent to the exposure of heavily disturbing material and exempting the writer from any responsibility of the consequences that reading this may cause.
> 
> Please read the above warning before commenting. If you are uncomfortable with the content, it is your responsibility to know when to stop reading.**
> 
>  
> 
> Hello, I have yet another Ritsukasa series in the works. This one, as I cannot emphasize enough, is very dark and will only continue to escalate in future chapters. If you feel any hesitation about its contents, then this story is not for you. Though I generally try to balance serious, dark moments with something more light-hearted, this work in particular caters more towards the former. 
> 
> All warnings aside, this story has multiple chapters and updates every other Saturday. Stay tuned to find out how Ritsu and Tsukasa's relationship progresses~ Thank you for reading! :)
> 
> ****PLEASE be respectful in the comments! Any comments that are rude, inappropriate, or disparaging WILL be deleted and/or reported.****

_The insistent ringing, becoming amplified by the moment. Everything around him was frozen, but the scene before him continued to play out. Slowly, steadily, almost like a dream. His mind became invaded by the resounding bell-like chime that caused every part of his body to become paralyzed._

_The eyes of the one in front of him were open wide, stricken with fear as the rest of him slowly realized what was about to happen. Neither could believe it, neither would believe it. But in that very moment, time came to a stop. Knowing very well what was about to happen and knowing very well that there was no way out, his eyes met his one last time. A reel of their memories began to play, vividly projecting in his mind. He didn’t want this to end, he never did. Every moment he was with him, he wished to have cherished for just a little longer. He could almost feel his warmth and his kindness as he felt himself steadily falling backwards._

_Despite the inescapable terror enveloping his every limb, upon seeing the person in front of him, he smiled. Wearing a kind smile as he gently floated to the ground, it was almost serene. Like the smiling face of an angel._

_'This wasn't supposed to happen.' A phrase that he would repeat so often that it became like a broken tape recorder, perpetually repeating the same lines until his voice was to shatter and break. The many questions that would remain unanswered, the 'what ifs' that continued to haunt him. With the couple seconds that passed, the thoughts in his head continued to scream out, but his voice had long crumbled away. The falling body of the person he loved, the jarring rings that roared into his ears. Everything in this moment became embedded into his mind._

_If only he could go back to that day. The day where he was still holding him close, feeling the warmth of his body in his arms, not knowing that this feeling could so easily vanish._

_But as the screeching of the wheels came to a stop, he knew there was no turning back as his vision became soaked in crimson._

* * *

A slight sigh escaped Ritsu's lips, letting his breath travel down the other's bare neck as he mindlessly gazed past the body of his boyfriend huddled beside him. Somehow, even though his arms were holding him close to his chest, he couldn't feel his warmth. He could feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest as his otherwise motionless body rested atop the bed. His hand listlessly ran through the sleeping idol's hair as he fought another sigh building up in the back of his throat.

Although he wanted to fall into a peaceful sleep alongside him, his eyes refused to close. The endless thoughts ran through his head, letting his doubts bottle up. He wouldn't dare mention any of this to Tsukasa, of course; even if he did, what good would it do? Tsukasa had his own problems to deal with, and there was no point in troubling him even further. He knew that nothing would amount from carelessly showing him his weakness.

His body tirelessly shifted about the mattress, adjusting his arms from the top of his back down to his waist as he kept Tsukasa close to him, hoping that somehow this closeness would help him forget about his worries. Even if they fought, they would always make it through just fine, so why was this any different? He won’t say anything if he doesn't have to. Besides, it was about time Tsukasa figured it out on his own. Since he can be a bit of a blockhead, he doesn't realize his own mistakes until much later, and he continues making them even if they are so painstakingly pointed out for him.

He knew he doesn't do it on purpose, but he couldn't help but feel annoyed. If it weren't a recurring issue, he would have been able to dismiss it. However, the amount of times that he'd pushed him away and been so involved in his own activities that he'd completely forgotten about his existence were far too many.

His hand froze in place as the irritation continued to build up, causing his eyebrows to lower as he glowered into the moonlit room. For some reason, lately it had only been getting worse. On the off occasion that they fought, it would always be about something insignificant or over a foolish misunderstanding. However, this was nothing so simple. He understood that he was always busy, but he couldn't stand the empty feeling of loneliness that haunted him when Tsukasa insisted on secluding himself from him.

For the sake of their happiness together, he wanted to push away his selfish thoughts for just a little longer. Perhaps if he stood by his side, he could trick himself into believing everything was fine. That what he was feeling now was nothing but temporary and will surely pass with time...

Continuing to hold his boyfriend tight in his arms, his eyes closed shut as he allowed the comfortable lull of the night to wash away his worries.

* * *

 "...Su~chan. My throat is dry...would you run down and get me a drink? The carbonated kind will do~" Ritsu raised his hand to cover up a slight yawn. As he'd lacked the energy to move for quite some time, his lethargic body had become completely motionless atop the bed. The battery on his phone died long ago, so there was nothing left for him to do but stare blankly at his boyfriend diligently studying at his desk.

The words registered late in Tsukasa's mind as he continued to flip through one of the notebooks scattered across the table. Although he did his best to keep everything tidy and neatly organized, there was simply too much to keep track of. From upcoming lives to his regular studies to personal family matters, lately he had been feeling like the weight of the world was upon his shoulders. He knew his parents would understand if he asked to pass on the extra activities assigned to him, but he couldn't bring himself to disappoint them. After all, as the only heir to the Suou family name, he knew this was just the beginning of the many responsibilities he'll have to take on as he got older. Without removing his eyes from his work, he provided Ritsu with a late response.

"If there is anything you need, please ask my _servants_." Ritsu paused upon hearing his words, wondering if he should go through the effort of rolling out of bed for long enough to ask someone for a drink. He managed to get far enough off the bed that his legs dangled off it but no further. With his face pressed against the edge of the bed, his mouth opened again to reluctantly speak.

"Are you still that busy...?" Tsukasa took another pause before he answered.

"Ritsu-senpai, I am very busy. If you need something, please ask my _servants_."

"...Is there anything I can help with?" Ritsu began lackadaisically dragging his finger across the regal carpet. He trailed a path along the golden border, letting his nail gently brush against the fuzzy surface as he waited for a reply.

"...This is the last time I will repeat myself. Please ask my _servants._ " Ritsu let out an exasperated sigh as his arm stopped in place. Tsukasa clearly wasn't listening to anything he was saying, so he'll just have to use a different approach to get his attention instead.

Although disinclined to move from his spot, he mustered enough energy to gradually sit up and rise to his feet. He rubbed his eyes as he fought back another yawn. Even though it was nearing evening, he'd been even sleepier than usual. He had planned to spend the weekend with Tsukasa, but it seemed that every minute he'd been here, all he'd been doing was sleeping. It was already nearly time for them to return to Yumenosaki, and they hadn't even gone on a date nor done anything that would indicate that they were a couple since he came over. Even giving him a kiss had begun to feel like nothing more than an obligation.

"Suuuchaaan...♪" Using his lack of presence to his advantage, Ritsu snuck up from behind Tsukasa and wrapped his arms around him. His actions garnered a surprised cry out of the other, who tried desperately to shake the tired idol from his grip.

"Mrrrgh...! Ritsu-senpai, please do not initiate this kind of _surprise attack_!"

"Nnn...but you weren't listening to aaanything I was saying..." As he rested his head against his shoulder, he stared out at the papers Tsukasa was investing all his focus into. He could feel the irritation start boiling up inside him, and a mocking tone rose to his voice. "For someone who tries to be so polite all the time, Su~chan is pretty cruel~"

Tsukasa sighed as he put down his pencil, feeling the strain from writing for so long starting to affect his wrist. An annoyed look crossed his face for a moment as he tilted his head to look in Ritsu's direction. Even though the other had been the one to grab his attention, Ritsu quickly averted his eyes when Tsukasa looked his way. Instead, his eyes remained riveted on his desk, although seemingly nowhere in particular. His eyes wandered over the objects riddled across the surface; textbooks, stray papers, his cellphone, an antique lamp and alarm all occupied the otherwise undecorated surface. The few personal items he seemed to display were gifts from his seniors in Knights, along with the gifts he gave him on special occasions.

As he noticed the languid movements of his senior while he mindlessly stared ahead of him, Tsukasa started to feel the weight of his own regrets pulling him down. The tired look that appeared etched into Ritsu's eyes made Tsukasa realize just how much he'd been neglecting him, and his own expression softened. He shook his head with a sigh as all his energy seemed to escape him through his breath.

"Hahh...Have I truly been so _careless_? My apologies, Ritsu-senpai, it is utmost improper of myself to treat you in this manner. After all, you are a _guest_ in my residence, and I have done nothing but offend you. Ngh..."

His fists clenched atop the table. He gritted his teeth as he stared out at the papers in front of him, quickly thinking through if what he had left was so imperative that he would choose to ignore his own partner. He could feel Ritsu's arms steadily slipping from around him. Before he could completely pull away, Tsukasa took a hold of his wrist, gripping it tightly as his hand steadily slid into his. He finally caught Ritsu's impassive gaze, returning his dismal look with a gentle smile.

"Ritsu-senpai...Fufu, please do not cast me such an _unforgiving_ stare. Is there anything this Tsukasa Suou may do to repent? If there is anything you request of me, please do not reserve yourself☆"

Ritsu seemed to mull over his suggestion for a moment, but the petty part of him was adamant on refusing him. He answered Tsukasa's question with the same, unyielding expression while his mouth remained sealed. Tsukasa retained his smile as he lightly tugged on Ritsu's hand to pull him closer.

"If I may be so bold..." he started, lowering his voice as he locked eyes with his partner. "Would you come a little closer? I would like to _kiss_ you."

As much as he tried to stay annoyed, his expression quickly softened as he leaned down to brush his lips against Tsukasa's. He was tempted by the warmth of his lips, and he lingered for a moment before reluctantly pulling away. Being alone in Tsukasa's room like this was making it difficult for him to hold back, so the very feeling of Tsukasa's warmth was tantalizing him to feel even more of him. It had been so long since they did anything more than just kissing...Tsukasa always denied him of the opportunity with a dismissive 'I'm busy' to the point where even kisses had started to feel forced.

Keeping his head close to his, thoughts raced through his head regarding Tsukasa's earlier comment. He _did_ say he can request anything of him...but somehow it felt wrong to ask for a night together, especially with all the tension between them as of late.

He was late to realize that Tsukasa was thinking about the same thing, but the second he spotted the slight tint of pink in his cheeks, a smirk was quick to replace his earlier frown.

"A~nything, hm~?" The teasing tone in his voice caused Tsukasa's cheeks to heat up even more, and he could no longer hide his intentions. There was a pause in his voice before he answered, as if he was giving himself one last chance to reconsider.

"Yes, that is correct. However, that _dangerous_ smile of yours makes me wonder if I should retract my offer..."

"Ehh~ Now that wouldn't be very fair, would it...?" Ritsu said as he started playfully prodding him in the cheek, eliciting an annoyed cry out of the other. He graced the surface of his skin with the same finger, steadily moving it to the side of his face and until his palm was cupping his cheek. His thumb gently brushed against his lower lip, feeling the soft breaths escape from between his slightly parted lips. His unreadable, crimson eyes rested on Tsukasa's, waiting for a cue to let him keep going. The other arm remained outstretched, trapping Tsukasa inside the chair. He could feel the warmth of his body radiate off him as he hovered over the red-haired idol.

Returning Ritsu's heated gaze with a confident smile, Tsukasa reached forward to grasp at the front of Ritsu's shirt, slowly pulling him forward so that their lips were able to connect. Upon closing his eyes, the feeling of every breath Ritsu was taking settled in Tsukasa's mouth as they fought for the same air. His hand loosened from his collar as he moved it behind him to clutch at his back instead, drawing him in even closer. A muffled sigh broke the silence when the warmth of Ritsu's tongue reached into the depths of his mouth. He wrestled against it with his own, determined not to lose this battle as he eagerly pressed his tongue against the walls of Ritsu's mouth.

Small sounds had long decided to escape between breaths. Neither of them was about to admit defeat. Ritsu's hand moved behind Tsukasa's head, holding it in place as he roughly played with his tongue. He could feel the rest of his body starting to heat up from the warmth of their exchanges, and once he was already getting started, there was no stopping him. The shaky sigh coming from the other was enough to let him know that Tsukasa had already given in. Ritsu let his tongue slowly leave the panting idol's mouth. Letting it trail along his soft lips, he lifted it only for a moment to let his heated breath land against Tsukasa's flushed skin.

"Ritsu...senpai..." Tsukasa spoke through a lengthy exhale. His reddened expression met Ritsu's. His chest struggled to catch up with his breathing, rising and falling frantically as his lips remained parted. The quiet, metallic ticking of the clock became intermixed with the sound of his panting. His glazed over, violet eyes remained locked onto Ritsu's as his hand steadily slipped from behind his back. He glanced away only for a moment, shifting about in his seat before realizing that he had no way of getting out.

"...It would be easier if we switched places," he spoke, interrupting the silence with his hushed words. Ritsu's arm fell from the chair as he stepped back for Tsukasa to come up, not taking his eyes off him for a second. Now that he finally had his time with him secured, he was not about to let this opportunity slip away.

Once Tsukasa was up and Ritsu was the one sitting back against the chair, he barely had the time to readjust as his partner climbed on top of him, effectively locking him into his seat with one leg on either side. Ritsu could feel the weight of Tsukasa's body as he lowered himself onto him, gently pressing against him to feel more of his heat. Hastily moving one finger above Tsukasa's collar, Ritsu made quick work of the buttons on his shirt, swiftly exposing his chest as he leaned forward to roughly kiss his soft skin. His free hand steadily slid down his back to keep him secured in place.

The low, ragged breaths that Tsukasa struggled to contain only spurred Ritsu on more. He couldn't remember the last time they had gone as far as this, and he had to muster all his self-restraint to keep from immediately jumping into the action. He could tell that Tsukasa was probably feeling the same way; every action, even the slightest touch against his skin, caused him to react. His body seemed to jump at every kiss, and the small, flustered sounds that came out of him were like words of encouragement to Ritsu. He wasn't letting him go until he heard even more.

"Nn...!" A startled sound escaped through Tsukasa's teeth as his entire chest was quickly exposed. An anxious feeling coursed through him when he spotted that sadistic smirk across his boyfriend's lips. Quickly shutting his eyes and bracing for the pain, his body stiffened up on cue as sharp teeth sank into his soft skin. He grinded together his teeth as he waited for the pain to subside, slowly letting his eyes flicker open when he felt him steadily pulling away. Through his blurry vision, he was able to make out the silhouette of the vampire in front of him, licking his lips and greedily leaning in for more. A shiver ran down the young idol's spine when he heard a long, shaky sigh coming from the other, the heat from his breath brushing up against his ear.

Ritsu slowly dragged his tongue across the exposed surface, the taste of iron making a switch turn off in his brain. The hand that was holding onto his back was slowly sliding downwards, reaching around his hips as his other hand began to run loose across the surface of Tsukasa's chest, settling dangerously close to the more sensitive parts of his body. Normally he would tease him for longer and linger by the areas he knew affected him the most, just close enough to feel the heat from his hands but not touching–but that level of self-restraint had left him long ago.

"Nn, ahh–?! R-Ritsu-senpai, please do not m-move so s-sudden...ly...!" He had to grit his teeth to keep from letting out a loud moan at the feeling of Ritsu's thumb rubbing against the sensitive tips of his nipples. The entranced look in his eyes told him that nothing he said now would be enough to stop him. Tsukasa made an attempt to keep his mouth shut tight, but muffled moans still escaped his lips as he could feel the rest of his body heating up in response to Ritsu's touch. As Ritsu's movements slowed, Tsukasa had inadvertently begun to lean in, his panting breaths falling upon Ritsu while the rest of him remained pressed against him, the heat from their entangled bodies luring him into a dangerous situation with no escape.

He could barely make out the slight dissonance from among the ragged exchanges of their breathing. It was loud enough that the jarring sound pierced into the back of Tsukasa's brain, slowly rousing him from the dream-like stance that he was in. With a confused 'Mm...?,' his head gradually turned towards the sound. It was difficult to focus on the noise with the feeling of Ritsu's hands running across his body, but his mind was somehow able to pinpoint the source of the ringing.

"...Ah." He somehow managed to snap out of his daze long enough to spot the vibrating phone from atop his desk, beginning to dangerously teeter over the edge. He leaned over Ritsu, his open chest pressing against him as he steadily stretched out his arm. However, his reach fell just short as a sharp, piercing sensation radiated throughout his body.

An agonizing sound came from somewhere in that moment, making his body quickly go limp and freeze in place. Only then did he realize that the sound had come from himself. Tears threatened at the corners of his eyes while his teeth remained clenched tight. His eyes slowly followed downwards to seek out the cause of his pain, glowering down at the vampire whose lips were covered in red.

"Kuaaa, Ritsu-senpai, just what are you thinking?! That is not _romantic_ in the slightest! Please refrain from biting me in strange places!!!" The stinging pain from his injured nipple was almost enough to stop his movement entirely as he shot Ritsu a heated glare. The carefree idol had a smirk plastered across his features, not leaving his line of vision for a moment as his tongue steadily ran over his lips.

"Sorry, sorry~" Ritsu chimed, gently pressing on Tsukasa's back to bring him forward so he could kiss the wounded area. In his state of alarm, Tsukasa had almost forgotten about the buzzing phone, which continued to resound throughout the room once more, as if fervently trying to call out to him. His eyes became fixated on the object just within arm's grasp. The shiny, silver surface was glinting in his direction. Dismissing the one below him, he slowly made his way closer to the edge of the seat.

Noticing the sudden movement, Ritsu's smirk was quickly replaced with an annoyed scowl. He carefully eyed his every move, the annoyed look becoming etched into his face. _Hey, Su~chan...You're not really going to interrupt our time together to answer a call, are you...?_

Much to his dismay, Tsukasa reached for the phone and excused himself as he gradually brought it beside his ear. Not having the patience to think through his actions, Ritsu latched onto his back with both hands, dragging the front of his body closer, earning a slight yelp from the other. The chair creaked slightly at the sudden movement, but he was not about to let go.

"Suuuuchaaan~" Ritsu's unusually loud cry as he called out his partner's nickname right beside his ear made Tsukasa's face quickly turn red. He fumbled over his words for a moment, his hand still frozen on the phone, attempting to cover up the speaker with his thumb. The confused voice of his relative boomed into his ear.

"P-Please heed that voice no mind," Tsukasa stammered. He ducked his head as Ritsu reached for the phone. "I have a rather...rowdy _guest_ over at the moment. ...Ah, right now? Er, my sincere apologies but now is not the most optimal time to be making arrangements..."

His head swerved from one side to the next, somehow managing to dodge the flurry of hands shooting towards him. In a frenzied attempt to pull backwards, Tsukasa let out a muffled sound as his vision became enshrouded in black. With a hand gripping at his face, the most Tsukasa could manage to utter was a rather distorted 'Ritsu-senpai!' as the phone was snatched from him.

"Ahh~ Heyyy, old man~" Ritsu barked into the phone, the annoyed sound of his voice evidently showing through as he continued to keep away a panicking Tsukasa with his free hand. "Su~cha–Tsukasa is busy right now, so call back later, okay~? We're just about to have se–Mnngh?!" Now Ritsu was the one to have a hand enveloping his face. Tsukasa felt the nails from his fingers tightly digging in around his skin, causing a muffled 'Owowow' to come from the other. Even with the pain coursing through him, he held his arm outstretched, raising it further back as the disconcerted voice on the phone rang throughout the room. The creaking of the chair grew louder. Tsukasa was up on his knees as he carelessly leaned forward against the back of the chair.

They had little time to process what was about to happen until it was too late. Letting out a startled cry upon feeling the chair start to lose balance, he frantically reached out towards the table, flailing his arms as he struggled to grab a hold of something–anything. His hands grasped onto something for merely a moment before tumbling to the floor, quickly dropping anything he was holding as his arms hit the ground. There was a loud crash right beside where he landed, like the sound of a mirror being shattered into a myriad of fragments.

"Nngh..." A pained groan rose from within his chest. Tsukasa's fall was softened by the body below him, but that was still not enough to mitigate the pressure it caused in his limbs. Both hearts beating rapidly, they struggled to catch up on their frantic beating. Tsukasa could feel the rise and fall of Ritsu's chest as he clung to him. There was another voice still audibly yelling through the speakers on his phone only an arm's reach away. After a few moments of confused uproar, the voice grew silent and a quick beep signaled the end of the call.

"Nn...I'm being crushed..." Upon hearing Ritsu's pained groan, Tsukasa gradually moved off of him, grumbling a bit as he folded his legs over to sit atop his knees. He was relieved to find that his phone only suffered some minor scratches as he brought it closer to him for inspection. As he opened his mouth to complain, Ritsu spoke up before him.

"...Why did you take the call? They'll give up eventually if you just let it ring, so there's no point in answering it, you know~?" While continuing to lie on his back, he cast Tsukasa an irritated sidelong glance. The menacing glare in his eyes was enough to send a shiver down Tsukasa’s back.

"My apologies, but it was an urgent call regarding an event my family has been meticulously planning, so I–"

"So work's more important to Su~chan than his own boyfriend, huh~?" The words felt dry as they left his mouth, but Ritsu could no longer contain the built-up frustration that was running through his veins. His eyebrows remained lowered as his bloodred eyes pierced through his.

"...Eh?" Tsukasa opened his mouth to speak, but the question caught him off guard. He could tell by his tone that he was clearly annoyed, and he shook his head in exasperation. "Ritsu-senpai, please do not say something so absurd. You know very well that you are the most important to me..."

His words started to trail off by the end as his eyes landed upon shards of broken glass that had not been there before. He identified them as the remnants of the crash from earlier, and he slowly made his way over to find the antique clock from atop his desk shattered into pieces, the glass that was keeping it safely encased scattered across the floor. The hands of the clock had stopped moving.

He felt Ritsu stir in the background, but he paid him no mind as his eyes remained fixated on the broken object in front of him. Even though he was holding it carefully from the wooden backside, a small shard he had failed to notice as he picked it up was now lodged into his finger. As Ritsu leaned over from beside him, he noticed a slight trail of blood leave from his hand.

"Hey..." His quiet voice interrupted the silence as he reached for the hand that was bleeding. He managed to pry his fingers away to bring his hand to his mouth, gently licking the finger that had been grazed. His eyes, once again back to being unreadable, stared back at him as he waited for a response. Normally the other would react in surprise and become flustered or annoyed, but this time it was as if he didn't even see him there.

"...Sorry," Ritsu tentatively spoke, carefully lowering Tsukasa's hand once it had stopped bleeding. "I'll buy you a new one..."

"That is not the problem here..." Tsukasa spoke with a loud sigh. "I have enough money to do that myself. However, this very clock was a _gift_ bestowed upon me by my family...It has irreplaceable value. My ancestors were in possession of this before me, and I have taken care to ensure that it remains working all this time..."

His fingers dug into the edges of the wooden surface. The cut on his finger quickly reopened as he pressed his other hand against the clock, but he could hardly notice. The anguished look on his face seemed to worsen as a loud groan slipped through his teeth.

"Hahh...how incompetent must I be to bring ruin upon such a valuable object?! To think that I would bring this kind of shame upon my own ancestors..." His annoyance only appeared to be growing worse by the second. He could feel the guilt coursing through him, his mind steadily falling deeper into a treacherous place.

"How careless of this foolish Tsukasa Suou...! To tarnish the family name in such a way is inexcusable. In the act of doing something _indecent_ no less, I really have no shame..."

The more Tsukasa spoke, the more Ritsu could feel the impact of his grief. Each word became louder, more disparaging. He was always rather harsh when it came to himself. For someone normally filled with confidence, he always found a way to put himself down when something went wrong. From the smallest changes in facial gestures to the harshness of his voice, Ritsu figured that in the state he was in, he would have a difficult time correcting his thoughts on his own. In an attempt to help him calm down and avert the direness of the situation, Ritsu steadily moved behind him and leaned inward, wrapping his arms around his waist to squeeze him tight.

"Ah–!" a startled cry left Tsukasa's mouth when he felt his boyfriend hugging him from behind. After a couple moments of staring blankly at the shattered object in front of him, he let out another long sigh. He knew he had to get up eventually to call over one of his servants to come clean up the mess, but he was reluctant to bear the shame in front of Ritsu. He was aware that he'd been especially busy and preoccupied for too long to provide Ritsu with enough attention, and he did his best to make time for him as much as he could. However, it seemed like Ritsu had been becoming more and more greedy, even knowing how much else he had on his mind.

Remembering this, Tsukasa felt the irritation from earlier start flowing through him once more. His eyes narrowed as he glared at nowhere in particular.

"Ritsu-senpai, I have warned you on multiple occasions not to interrupt my work...We always have the night together, so would it not be more reasonable to wait until then?"

"Nn..." Ritsu's grip loosened as he moved to the side of him. His finger prodded the smooth surface of a larger shard of glass, adding pressure to one end and causing it to hover off the ground from one side. "By that time, you're already tired...I like the nighttime, but if you're always sleeping, it's not so fun anymore."

"Then I shall do my best to stay awake for a little longer. If it is..." Tsukasa hesitated between words, the color rushing to his cheeks. " _s-sex_ that you want, then I would not mind if we did that more often..."

Normally he would feel the slightest bit of amusement at seeing his flustered reaction to suggesting something so unexpected coming from him, but the corners of his mouth did not budge.

"That's not the point, Su~chan. Nn...never mind. It's too troublesome, so just do whatever you want."

"Eh?" Tsukasa's surprised expression met Ritsu's, who was still looking anywhere else but at him. He seemed to have lost interest in poking around at the shards of glass and was scanning the room instead, holding his knees to his chest with his head resting against them.

"Ritsu-senpai, if there is something you would like me to know, please do not reserve yourself. I wish to better myself in any way I can, so please do not hesitate to pinpoint where I have gone wrong." He tilted his head as he leaned a little forward, hoping to somehow capture Ritsu's attention.

"Please look at me when I am speaking to you. If we are to keep everything to ourselves, how would we know where we go wrong? If I have upset you, please let me know. It is unreasonable to keep everything to yourself. We are dating, are we not? Then allow me to shoulder some of your troubles." After a couple seconds of silence, Tsukasa gave up with a sigh and leaned back over the broken shards of the clock. He knew there was no way he could force Ritsu to talk, but it was really vexing to him how he was adamant on remaining quiet. He knew very well that that would not solve anything, but lately it seemed like everything he said happened to go right through him.

"...I do not understand Ritsu-senpai at all." After letting out another sigh, he slowly rose to his feet as he gave another glance to Ritsu to see if he'll at least face him. He narrowed his eyes before reluctantly turning around to head out the door. He was startled when he found Ritsu trailing directly behind him, completely silent as he stared at the ground. When he finally decided to meet his eyes, they were solemn and devoid of energy.

"I'm going home," was all he said as he brushed past the confused idol. Tsukasa wasn't sure he heard those words correctly. Going home? It was already late into the night. It was Ritsu who decided that he would be staying over for the weekend, and now he was leaving? The contradictory information Ritsu presented him with only added to Tsukasa's irritation.

Acting purely on impulse, his legs started to move on their own. With a loud call of his name, Tsukasa quickly sped up his pace, his feet pounding against the carpet floorboards. He swerved in front of him, stopping just in time as he approached the staircase. With his arms crossed and wearing a frustrated expression, he remained standing firm at the top of the stairs.

Ritsu did a double take when Tsukasa suddenly appeared before him; he was too distracted to hear him coming, so he nearly bumped into him the moment he stopped in place. He blinked twice as he shook his head, trying to snap himself out of his nagging thoughts. From the look on Tsukasa's face, he could tell he was in for another long lecture. But he didn't have the energy to explain himself right now.

"You're in the way," he quietly spoke, interrupting whatever Tsukasa was rambling on about. He made an attempt to push his way past him, but once again Tsukasa was one step ahead of him.

One step too far.

"Ah, wait–" His eyes widened as he suddenly felt nothing underneath him. His foot struggled to grasp onto anything, anything at all. The scene around him blurred as his line of sight was directed towards the ceiling. A white blur as he quickly started falling backwards. He could hear the wind whistling past his ears. There was nothing he could do to stop what was happening, but his arms still reached out to the person who was watching this unfold.

He couldn’t look behind him, but he knew it was a long way down. Starting from when he was a kid, he’d always been warned to be careful when going down the stairs. Even the slightest stagger in his step could lead to a fall. Falling, falling, falling until the world went black…

There wasn’t much time to think. In a state of panic, his heart froze, the vision from his shut eyes becoming dyed with white spots. Although he was surely far away, his arm stretched out to him, every muscle in his limb becoming strained as he wished to grasp his warm hand once more.

A shocked cry escaped him when he felt something gripping onto his arms, nails digging into his skin as he was abruptly flung in the opposite direction of where he was falling. He had enough time to let out another startled yelp as his face landed against someone's chest. He couldn't tell if the loud, pounding heartbeats were coming from him or the one pulling him into himself, constricted by his hold with how tightly his arms were wrapped around him.

Ritsu let out a sharp, unsteady exhale. He didn't realize until now that he'd been holding his breath since the moment he saw Tsukasa start to topple over. If he had taken a step too far when he reached out for him, he might have fallen down with him. At the very least, he could have held him into his chest to keep him from suffering any serious injuries, but thankfully it did not have to amount to that. Keeping one hand on Tsukasa's head and the other around his back, he was nearly suffocating him with how close he was holding him. But he couldn't bring himself to lighten his grip. Just a moment ago, he was intent on ignoring him and heading back home on his own, but every reason he had to do so was immediately forgotten as he held Tsukasa's shaking body against his own.

"...Su~chan, are you tired?" Ritsu managed through a shaky voice. He had intended to preserve his unaffected tone, but the experience from earlier still rattled him to the extent that it left an aftermath in his demeanor. The hand that was resting against his head started gently running through his hair, brushing through the soft locks, like he was comforting a frightened dear. "It's late...let's head to sleep, okay?"

Tsukasa managed a nod, still struggling to catch his words. He hesitantly pulled away for a moment, his hands still gripping unsteadily at Ritsu's shirt as his widened eyes met his. A weak smile somehow made its way to his lips as he met Ritsu's equally worried eyes.

"Y-Yes, let's..." He paused for a moment to clear his throat, trying to shake the trepidation from his voice. "Ah, would that mean staying the night is alright with you?"

"Mhm," Ritsu replied with a nod and a kind smile. He leaned in to give him a quick kiss to the forehead, his arms still loosely wrapped around Tsukasa's. He was reluctant to let go, but he knew that if they wanted to head back to rest, he'd have let go eventually. But not yet.

Without warning, he abruptly pulled him back in, placing his hand atop his partner's head as he held him against his shoulder. He heard a startled yelp from the other and a confused call of his name, but Ritsu didn't budge. His arms reached around him, tightly squeezing the warm body that was pressed into him. He could feel the buttons from his shirt barely grazing against his chest. The light puffs of breath landing against his ears, the soft locks of his hair gently brushing against his cheek, the sweet scent of his shampoo–all the telltale signs that told him that the person he loved most was within his grasp. That he could feel his warmth without being pushed away.

A gentle smile crossed his lips when Tsukasa's arms wrapped around him, squeezing him back. The comfort of his hold was beginning to make him a little drowsy, and his eyes began to slowly close shut. He let out a soft sigh as he turned his head to the side, resting his face against his shoulder.

If he held him tight forever, he couldn't disappear. Even though he knew that one day it was inevitable, he didn't want to lose him. The very thought of being left behind scared him more than he would admit. With the way they'd been fighting lately, it was as if a timer was steadily counting down to zero. Before that mark hit, he wanted to keep him as close to him as he could.


	2. Forlorn Melody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another chapter is out! This is also the last warning I will issue: This gets rather gruesome at times, so do bear that in mind. Particularly in this chapter, there is a part around the middle which may be skipped if you are averse to the material. Without further ado, continue forth and see what lies ahead in this newest chapter~
> 
> Thank you for reading!

It'd been a couple weeks since they last went on a date, so Ritsu could hardly believe it when Tsukasa called him asking if he had the time over the weekend. His voice had sounded oddly troubled over the phone like there was something he needed to say, but he couldn't find the right words. Since Ritsu had been so preoccupied with the thought of them finally going on another date, he didn't leave time for the other to take back his offer.

As he waited, sitting against the back of a booth in the restaurant, he couldn't help but be nervous. He glanced from one side of the restaurant to another. He hadn't been this anxious on a date in a long while; it reminded him on when he was on his first date with Tsukasa. A smile crossed his lips at the memory of the first time they kissed–they had just gone out for ice cream so the sweet, strawberry taste of his lips lingered on his. They were both really embarrassed, yet neither of them could stop smiling. It was at that moment that Ritsu thought, _If this is how relationships go, maybe it's not so bad..._

Knowing very well now that it was impossible to latch onto that feeling forever, he let out a haggard sigh as he sunk in his seat, slouching against the back of the booth as he waited for his date to arrive. He mindlessly stared outwards, his thoughts drowned out by the loud chatter of the nearby tables.

His eyes caught the attention of the familiar red-haired idol, and he immediately sat up in his seat. That same, erratic pulse of his heart was back. When Tsukasa greeted him with a smile, he was quick to mimic his expression.

"My apologies if I am late," Tsukasa spoke, placing his bag to the chair beside him. "I insisted to my driver that we head out early, but it seems traffic has bested us once again."

He waved over a waiter and flipped through a menu as he talked. Ritsu's eyes landed upon the idol while twirling the straw of his drink, letting it bump against the side of the glass. The tension from earlier on the phone seemed to persist. If he wasn't sure of it then, the way he was behaving now only confirmed his suspicions. Every time he glanced over to him, he had on an uncomfortable smile used to feign politeness before he went back to turning the pages of the menu faster than he could read them. Both hands unsteadily clutched the menu as if afraid of letting it fall. Something was clearly wrong, but Ritsu kept quiet as he continued to twirl his straw, watching the small bubbles of his carbonated drink float to the surface.

"Ritsu-senpai, have you decided on what to order?" Tsukasa asked, his eyes still riveted on the page.

"Mhm. I'm not that hungry right now, so I think I'll go for something small..." He glanced over at the menu Tsukasa was staring at as he slumped into the palm of his hand. "Everything's so expensive, anyway...I don't have as much money as you do, you know~?"

"Please do not worry about such unimportant matters such as expenses. Since I am treating you, I shall be paying for your order. Please do not reserve yourself♪" That same, polite smile reached his lips. As Ritsu wasn't the type to force a smile, his expression remained unchanged.

"I'm still not hungry though..." he let out a quiet sigh and paused to take a sip from his drink. His voice remained low as he spoke under his breath. He knew there was no going back once he brought it up, but the tension between them was like ice that was slowly cracking, appearing as if it were to shatter at the slightest disruption. "...Say, Su~chan. Have you been hiding something from me?"

Tsukasa's entire body immediately stiffened. The darkened, grim look on his face gave away everything Ritsu needed to know. His eyes narrowed at his reaction, expecting the other to explain his peculiar behavior. He was far too tired of dealing with his secrecy as of late. There was clearly something bothering him, but he seemed to be adamant on remaining quiet. The only sound between them was the impatient clicking of his fingernail against the glass cup.

"...Truth to be told, I do have something I must confess," Tsukasa spoke with a sigh. His entire posture seemed to slump, the dreadful look not leaving his tired expression. "I have been meaning to properly speak with you on the matter once I reached a consensus, and it pains me that it had taken until this long to ascertain a resolution...If I may, shall we continue this later? I do not wish to ruin our _date_."

Ritsu's response was a long sigh. _Guess there's no helping it..._ he thought as he slumped further onto the table. His head rested against the cold surface, his eyes fixated on the slow twirl of the straw as he flicked it with his fingers. He wasn't hungry, and he had no energy to eat. At this hour, sleep was all he could care for.

"...Ritsu-senpai, please behave yourself in a more proper manner. We are in a _restaurant_." Regardless of the atmosphere, Tsukasa wasn't about to let the other idol get away with misconduct without at least a scolding. A low grumble slipped past his lips as Ritsu continued to behave on his own accord.

"Ritsu-senpai. Please do not ignore me. I am sure no one enjoys being lectured, but it is the most basic of good manners that one should treat their _date_ with respect. ...This is a _date_ , yes?" He accidentally let his irritation show toward the end of his scolding, stating his words slowly and with emphasis. His eyes narrowed as his hands clenched atop his lap.

Ritsu returned his lecture with a glowering stare that sent a chill down Tsukasa's back. His paralyzing glare lingered for several seconds before he sat back up, still keeping his back slouched as he leaned against his palm and stared off at the other tables. Tsukasa felt like releasing a relieved sigh when Ritsu finally spoke up.

"...I'll have this," he quietly spoke, pointing to a small dish on the menu. Initially confused, Tsukasa hadn't realized that the waiter had approached them and was about to speak, but Ritsu intervened before any words came out. Tsukasa managed to quickly point to a part of the menu, mustering up a hasty albeit polite request for his order. The waiter bowed and retrieved their menus, leaving the two to another round of silence. The sigh that had been building up in the back of Tsukasa's throat finally left him.

"If I was harsh with you earlier, I must apologize," Tsukasa tried again, his tone sounding more pleading than annoyed. "I regret to be the one at fault for causing this _tension._ However, as difficult as it may be, please ease your mind of this discomfort. As I aforementioned, I will explain my circumstances thoroughly later tonight."

He attempted another polite smile, although it appeared more blatantly forced than the others. His features were scrunched up into a pained expression, and it was clear that there was something he really wished to keep hidden. As infuriated as he was for being kept in the dark this whole time, Ritsu hated seeing this side of him, especially when he was the reason for why he felt this way. _I might as well humor him_ , Ritsu thought before leaning back against the booth and casting his eyes in his direction. It was amusing to him how quickly he can make him smile just by giving him his attention.

Tsukasa tried to lighten the mood by talking about unit activities, but everything he said felt like something he would say during social gatherings as a way to appear friendly–nothing personal, just straight to the point, glossing over any details that might bring forth unexpected responses. Seeing as he still wasn't going to be honest with him, Ritsu kept his replies short, not consisting of more than a single word or sound at a time. He would keep his eyes on him only to keep him from lecturing him again, but his attention was anywhere else. The suspicions he had bottled up had long started to overflow.

By the time their food arrived, both idols were relieved to have an excuse not to talk. As Ritsu kept to himself and preoccupied himself with slowly munching on his food, his mind started to wander. Tsukasa's talking had distracted him for long enough to keep him from delving too deep into his thoughts, but now that they had fallen silent, there was nothing stopping him. Just what was so important that Tsukasa would put their relationship in danger for the sake of keeping secret? It made it even worse knowing that Tsukasa was not the type to hide things, either. He always admired his honesty, even if that made him come off as oblivious at times. But now...It was like he was leaving him behind, getting further and further out of his grasp.

His chopsticks dug into the bowl, nearly toppling it over. He managed to catch it just in time, but it still surprised the other, who had remained quiet this entire time.

"Um, if it is not to your liking, you may have some of mine," Tsukasa tentatively offered, seeing as how Ritsu had stopped eating to mindlessly dig around the rice with his chopsticks. He pushed his bowl closer. "I can request that the waiter switch out your meal as well, or perhaps add some more seasoning–"

"It's fine," Ritsu snapped. Evidently lacking the energy to eat, he lethargically lifted the chopsticks to his mouth. Tsukasa let out another sigh. He was growing rather frustrated with Ritsu's childish behavior. No matter how much effort he put in to ensure that they enjoy the rest of their evening, it seemed to be a fruitless endeavor. His stubbornness certainly wasn't letting up anytime soon. He hesitated as his gaze shifted from the bowl in front of him to Ritsu. He wasn't ready to tell him, he never would be. But the timer had long reached zero. No amount of delaying this was enough to turn things around.

"Ritsu-senpai, look at me." It wasn't like Tsukasa to demand things so directly, so Ritsu inadvertently gave him his attention. That polite smile was gone.

"If you insist on behaving in this childish manner, then I am afraid I have no choice. I...I would be willing to discuss this problem that ails me." A quiet, surprised sound left Ritsu's mouth. The chopsticks that had been on the way to his mouth lowered back across the top of the bowl. His eyes widened for a moment, but he quickly regained his composure, despite the dangerous racing of his heart.

Tsukasa took a deep breath, letting out a long, tired sigh. His eyes could barely meet Ritsu's. The hands that had been neatly folded atop his lap were unsteadily gripping at the fabric of his pants.

"Lately, my family has been speaking to me about marriage," he spoke, attempting to keep his tone affirmative and steady, but the first few words still sounded strained.

"Marriage...?" Ritsu mouthed, managing a half-hearted chuckle. "Isn't it a little early for that~? Not that I would mind, of course~"

Although he meant it as a joke, the grave expression that Tsukasa gave him was quick to demolish any attempt at a smile. The erratic beating of his heart only grew worse, and a sinking feeling weighed down on his chest. He wanted to joke, saying, 'Su~chan, don't tell me you're running away with someone else, are you~?' but the words remained lodged in his throat.

Disregarding his attempt at a whimsical remark, Tsukasa continued speaking in a tone like he was merely rehearsing the words. "Since our relationship is very much a secret, you see how this puts me in a difficult position. I cannot provide my parents with a reason, because if I were to reveal our relationship to my parents, it would surely bring about many complications. I have made several attempts to convince them out of it, but they continued to insist that I provide them with a valid reason that I should decline."

"...Su~chan?" Ritsu's quiet voice interrupted him, but Tsukasa kept speaking. If he let his trembling voice get to him, he wouldn't be able to finish what he had to say.

"I provided them with multiple excuses; firstly, I am not acquainted with the _lady_ , but this only resulted in a schedule for our meetup. I reminded them I am still in high school, much too early a time to be thinking about marriage, but this merely extended their offer until I graduate. Telling them I am not ready resulted in the same response...After enough attempts to escape the situation, what I had to say turned into nothing but excuses, and they lectured me on how I am not behaving like a grown man, that I should stop acting like a child." He took a deep breath, not sure how to phrase his next words. His eyes had trailed to his lap, unable to continue looking into the frightened, widened eyes of the person he loved most.

"As such, I am at a loss for how to proceed," he admitted, struggling to maintain the same tone throughout his weary voice. "I do very much love you, Ritsu-senpai. However..." He took another shaky breath, letting out a sharp exhale as the air cut through his teeth.

"Lately, we haven't been seeing eye to eye, have we? It seems like my words go right through you. I have never felt more vexed around you than I ever remember, and I cannot simply disregard that in this decision. I think that people who are romantically involved should put in the equal amount of respect and dedication for the success of their relationship. Your childish traits which were at first somewhat endearing are now nothing but a hindrance." The irritation grew in his voice, and he quickly changed his tone before Ritsu could interject. His words trailed on for longer, but Ritsu had already stopped listening.

He made no attempt to hide his shock. Each word pierced into him like a needle, and the more he spoke, the more distorted his words sounded, like he was going further and further away. The beating of his heart resounded within his head. The scenery in front of him seemed like it had started to slowly swirl, making a nauseating feeling churn in his stomach. His fingernails gripped at the surface of the table, scratching against the wood like he was hoping to root his nails into something to keep from falling over.

_This is just a fight, right...?_ His frightened thoughts rendered him speechless. _We'll...get through this, right?_

His teeth grinded against one another, but every part of his body had grown numb. The lips of the idol in front of him kept moving, each word slowly sinking into his skin and piercing through his every organ. His body was completely frozen, his limbs stiff.

_Hey, Su~chan..._ Tsukasa's voice wouldn't stop. His figure had long begun to fade into the distance.

_...Don't leave me._ He didn't realize his thoughts were voiced aloud until Tsukasa paused mid-sentence, a pained look crossing his features as he glanced to the side. With eyebrows scrunched together and a watery coat around his eyes, that same, agonizing smile was back.

"...Please do not be too upset, Ritsu-senpai. At our age, this is something inevitable, after all. As much as I wish that we could be exempt from such a cruel fate, we must endure through this hardship and understand where we went wrong so as to not repeat such mistakes in the future. I have very much enjoyed our time together, and I am honored to have had the privilege...R-Ritsu-senpai?!"

His feet were already on the move towards the entrance. He couldn't be here anymore. He didn't need to hear his polite formalities, speaking as if this was meant to happen all along. As if he can simply toss away all they had in a moment's instance. Abandoning him after having promised to stay by his side.

_Su~chan, you're such a terrible liar,_ Ritsu thought, blocking out the persistent calls from the person he was sure wouldn't walk out on him. _You're no better than Anija, aren't you? Even though it was easier to leave me behind from the start, you stayed by my side, gave me hope, then snatched it all away. The you who poured love into this empty me...Only to take it all away in a moment's notice._

The world continued to spin, nearly knocking him off balance as he burst through the doors and was greeted by the night scenery. He stumbled, and his hands landed against the wall of the restaurant. He had to get away before he caught up, but his feet remained unstable. Even though he was sure he was breathing, it felt like he was being suffocated. The nauseating feeling was back. He staggered to the side, following the wall until he turned a corner into a quiet passageway between the restaurant and the neighboring building. The ruckus from the nighttime drunks buzzed into his ears. Letting out a frustrated groan, he followed the wall further down until nothing but the drone of his own thoughts accompanied him. His back hit the wall as he steadily slid down until he was sitting against the pavement.

"...tsu...pai..." The ringing became intermixed with jumbled words from nearby. Not wanting to answer to them, he brought his legs into his body and buried his face in his knees.

"...-senpai. Ritsu-senpai." The words became clearer, but he still didn't want to look. The gentle shake of his shoulders made his body stiffen up even more.

"...Ritsu-senpai, please look at me." The hand that was on his shoulder slowly slid off. He flinched at the feeling of something warm tentatively running through his hair.

"Ritsu-senpai..." the voice that once sounded full of confidence had begun to waver. "Please do not...be upset. It is _difficult_ but...I believe that you are _strong_. I...I am merely a _novice,_ so I am certain I must be holding you back–O-Ow?!" Tsukasa quickly recoiled at the feeling of having his wrist grabbed and sharp fangs sinking into his skin with the intent to dig all the way through to his bones. He held in a pained cry as he snapped at Ritsu to let him go, but the vampire's teeth continued to ruthlessly pierce through his skin.

"P-Please stop it!! Y-You _monster!!!_ " Although it was shameful of him to behave in such a manner unfit for a gentleman, his life was at stake. His palm reached up to his forehead, sinking his nails into it as he attempted to pull him away. He had been taught how to defend himself against offenders in case of emergency, but never against this kind of situation. All that was running through his mind was to startle the one inflicting him with excruciating pain. Ritsu's grip loosened at the searing pain of being grabbed and pulled at from every angle. He sputtered blood when he finally let go. The bright red that trailed from his lips and that of his eyes sent shivers down Tsukasa's spine. This wasn't someone he knew.

"Are you an animal?!" he yelled out, clutching his injured arm as he staggered backwards, his back hitting the other wall. "Have you lost your last strand of sanity?! _Beast!! Demon!!!_ " His enraged state was only fueled by the twisted smirk on Ritsu's darkened face.

"Ahh~...Su~chan's finally showing his true colors, fufu...♪"

"D-Do you think this is some kind of _joke?!_ " Tsukasa seethed. His entire body was shaking both from utter disbelief and the fear that was running through his every limb. "Nngh...Do you have no shame?! No sense of respect...?! _Jesus Christ!!!_ Had I known you were always this _callous,_ I would never have agreed to _date_ you in the first place!!!"

Ritsu showed him a childish pout as he licked his lips. The sadistic urge to get back at him for betraying him and ripping out his heart to shreds was quickly taking over any sense of guilt he had left.

"Ehh~ But we had fun, didn't we...? After all, that's aaaall there was to it, right~?" A slight chuckle slipped from his mouth as he licked off the blood from his fingertips. "It was just a 'for fun' type of relationship, so there's nothing to worry about, fufu~"

The twisted smile remained etched into his features as he slowly rose to his feet. Tsukasa's body froze in place. He drew his arms and legs closer to himself when he saw Ritsu slowly approaching him, his hands in his pockets, bloodred eyes burning into him.

"Su~cha~n~" A surprised yelp left Tsukasa's mouth when Ritsu's hand slammed beside his ear. He kept his injured arm turned inward towards his chest. His nerves remained frozen as the vampire leaned over him, only inches away from his face. As much as it terrified him to meet his eyes, he mustered all his energy to glare back. The eerie smile paralyzed him.

"You want to 'play around' one more time...?" he asked, keeping his voice low. The suggestive tone made Tsukasa's skin crawl, but it snapped him out of his petrified state as he grit his teeth, shooting an unyielding glare his way. He felt all the more uneasy when Ritsu's expression softened.

"...Or am I one of those toys you throw away after you get bored?" The shaky, unsteady voice cracked in between words. Tsukasa wasn't sure how to respond to his sudden change of tone. It did not change the fact that he was infuriated with his animalistic actions, of course, but the question alone dumbfounded him. Somehow it made him even more exasperated than the biting.

" _T-Toys?!"_ The shrill sound of his voice made Ritsu grimace, but it only grew louder. "Nngh...! I...I do not have the patience to be having this argument with you, Ritsu-senpai. Judging from both your words and your actions, it is evident that you are in no state to be thinking things over. As much as I wished to end on agreeable terms, such a wish is truly impossible to ascertain, isn't it?" A harsh sigh escaped from his lips as he abruptly pushed the other's chest, sending him staggering back a couple steps. Even now that Ritsu was no longer hovering over him, his feet remained stationary.

"Hahh..." He let out another, exhausted sigh as his hand pressed against his forehead, slowly running through and pulling at the roots of his hair. His eyes had tightly shut, not wanting to show Ritsu any sign of weakness; he could already feel the lump forming in his throat, along with the persistent tears that threatened the corners of his eyes. He knew he couldn't stand there silently forever, but he couldn't bring himself to move. His legs were glued to the cement.

His blurry eyes hesitantly opened to meet Ritsu's expressionless gaze as he remained in the same position as earlier. If Tsukasa hadn't known better, he could have mistaken him for a statue or have overlooked him completely. His hand slowly dropped from his hair. He silently stared back, barely able to restrain his own thoughts as he struggled to form coherent sentences. Before he could speak up to announce that he was taking his leave, Ritsu spoke up for him.

"You want to leave, right~...?" Ritsu said, his voice dripping with an unsettling cheerfulness. "Even though you promised to stay...You're a li~ar, Su~chan. You just want to get away from me...fufu, fufufu..." His words trailed off by the end as a sinister laugh started to build from the back of his throat.

"Even though you know how much it hurts...You still want to leave, don't you..." Ritsu managed through a quiet voice, his eyes directed at the ground. "Did you have this planned from the start...? Fufu, how aw~ful♪"

Although it still hurt to move, Tsukasa crossed his arms and took a step closer, feeling the frustration from his earlier words boiling up. He could handle his pettiness or his childish inability to accept rejection to an extent, but he had taken it too far. It was clear there was no point in trying to reason with him, yet every vein in his body had tensed up and prepared to cavil with him until his voice could no longer work.

"Do you truly think I could have accounted for this?!" he snapped, once again losing his composure. The throbbing pain in his head was making it even harder for him to think. "I never wanted to leave you, Ritsu-senpai. Perhaps if I had come from a less restrictive family, this wouldn't be the case, but it is completely out of my _power._ I have fought tooth and nail for the survival of our relationship! If you insist that this was nothing more than something for 'fun' or that I am tossing you aside, then I suppose I really do not know you at all." He took a deep breath, letting it out as a loud sigh. With every word he spoke, his voice grew louder, and his feet continued to edge closer to the other, up to point where he was nearly pushing him back.

Ritsu's face remained darkened as he glared back at him, trying to block out the venomous sting of his words as they cut right through him. It was nothing but complaints, complaints, more complaints–it was making his head spin. The numbing sensation spread throughout his body until he could barely hear a word the other was saying. _Su~chan, shut up. So noisy...I hate that, you know...? My head is pounding...Shut up already...!_

"Mrrgh–?!" A muffled cry cut off the end of his lecture. His body froze up at the feeling of a pair of lips brushing against his, forcefully prying his mouth open with his tongue. The sloppy, warm entrance of his tongue earned him several garbled sounds that were quickly droned out. Both hands positioned squarely on his chest, he mustered all his energy to push him off, sputtering saliva as he managed to yank Ritsu's tongue out of him.

"W-W-What are you thinking?!" he snapped, his eyes opened wide as his shocked expression met Ritsu's grim one.

"Nn...Your yelling was making my head hurt..."

"So your answer is to _kiss_ me?!" He let out a sharp exhale, no longer able to hide the tired look in his eyes. Ritsu wasn't the only one whose head was hurting; Tsukasa couldn't take much more of this, either. These past few weeks consisted of nothing but trying to resolve this problem he could do nothing about, and at the very least, he selfishly wished for Ritsu to understand and support him through it. However, that never happened. He ended up keeping to himself, pushing him further and further away until it became easier to cut him off.

"I do not understand Ritsu-senpai at all..." he spoke with a sigh under his breath. His tired eyes met Ritsu's equally exhausted features. "I cannot pretend that I know anything about you. I am through with leading a fruitless argument where my words bounce right off you. Tell me directly. What is it you are trying to accomplish?"

When Ritsu opened his mouth but gave no response, Tsukasa fought down another sigh as he spoke up for him.

"I cannot restate it enough. We cannot be together anymore, and that is simply how it must be. You asked if I wanted to 'play around' earlier, is that what you wish? Then so be it. Though I train my mind to withstand the pressures from around me, right now all I can hear is an incessant ringing that is tearing through my brain." Shooting him an annoyed glare, he reached for Ritsu's shirt, tugging on it impatiently as he waited for him to finish what he started. Taken aback by his sudden decision, Ritsu stared back at him silently, realizing that he, too, no longer understood anything about the person in front of him. Lacking the energy to think through his actions, he leaned forward to kiss Tsukasa a second time, but his lips landed on his palm instead.

"No kissing," Tsukasa demanded, stopping him in place and forcing him to draw his head back. Ritsu brushed his lips against the back of his hand, glaring at the figure in front of him. He could hardly believe what he was seeing as Tsukasa roughly grabbed at his collar, dragging him with him until Tsukasa's back was against the wall once more.

His eyes followed the idol's hand as it listlessly undid the buttons of his shirt. Even once Tsukasa's shoulder and collarbone were exposed, his body remained frozen. His hands had moved to either side of his hips, but somehow it felt out of place, like he was doing this with a stranger, not someone he loved. Even as Tsukasa's dull eyes stared at him expectantly, Ritsu didn't move.

"...Is this really what you want?" Ritsu quietly asked. Tsukasa's dismal expression remained unchanged.

"You said it yourself, Ritsu-senpai. That our relationship was nothing but for 'playing around.' That is what you want, correct? I do not care at this rate, so please make it quick..."

Ritsu didn't have the energy to answer him. He slowly leaned into the exposed area, breathing on it gently before carefully planting small kisses down his collarbone. As he began to roughly suck on the sensitive skin, he paused for a moment to pull away, checking for Tsukasa's reaction. The younger idol's eyes were tightly shut like he was bracing himself for something painful. A couple seconds after realizing that Ritsu had stopped, one eye hesitantly opened.

"...Nn? What is it?" Tsukasa cautiously asked. Ritsu responded with a quiet, dry laugh.

"This feels wrong, somehow..." he admitted. Neither of them knew how to add to that. Tsukasa shifted about uncomfortably, his eyes anywhere but at Ritsu. He knew this felt strange–nothing about it was normal. They were technically broken up now, weren't they? So to be doing this, while they were fighting, no less...it took too much energy to fight it, so he simply let it be.

"Ritsu-senpai, if you are going to be ambivalent about your decision, then I shall make it for you," Tsukasa stated as he tugged once more at Ritsu's shirt, pulling him forward until their bodies were pressed against one another. Without warning, he slid his hand down the rim of Ritsu's pants, earning him a surprised gasp.

"Nngh-" Ritsu's body tensed at the feeling of something warm wrapping around the base of his dick. His widened eyes stared back in shock, not sure whether he should be flustered or angry. He gritted his teeth to keep from accidentally letting his voice slip any more than he intended. That calm, almost methodical look on Tsukasa's face told him he wasn't joking when he said he wanted it to be over fast. Ritsu's eyes closed as he leaned into Tsukasa's chest, letting his chin rest against his exposed shoulder. The hand that ceaselessly continued to massage him kept up its movements, not pausing for a second, not even when Ritsu's teeth sank into his neck. Blood trickled down his chest, leaving a shiny trail reflected by the moonlight. The taste of iron on his tongue accompanied with the rubbing from below sent a shiver down his spine.

Eager to feel more, Ritsu pushed his hips inwards, roughly grinding against the other and feeling a smirk grow on his lips when he heard the subtle, surprised cries reverberating from Tsukasa's throat. Hands slipping behind him, he pulled Tsukasa's hips closer, letting the tough part of his pants collide with his.

"N-Nn...!" Although his teeth remained clenched, Tsukasa still let out a soft cry. He withdrew his hand and placed both around Ritsu's back. His teeth ached from grinding them together to keep from releasing small moans as Ritsu's hand slid up his shirt, brushing against the sensitive parts of his chest as he slowly rubbed his hips against his.

Since Tsukasa _did_ say to make it quick, Ritsu found no reason for hesitation. After running his hands across Tsukasa's nipples and rubbing at the tip, he took the first, loud moan that the other let slip as his cue for moving onto the next part of the routine. Normally he'd find enjoyment in tantalizing Tsukasa with some playful teasing around his chest, but he didn't care for his reactions right now. He would always make sure to satisfy his partner and slow down when he needed the time to recover, but his mind was fixated on satisfying his own urges rather than someone else's. After all, they weren't lovers anymore, so there was no reason to weigh his needs above his own.

"Ri-Nngh-?!" Tsukasa let out a loud groan as his arm was abruptly grabbed and his body was flung around until his face hit the wall. All he could see before him was the long stretch of the alleyway that diverged into the streets. The feeling of having his cheek pressed against the cold, dirty wall sent off warning flags in his mind. His heart nearly stopped as the realization slowly sank in. With the way he was positioned, with his arms and head laid against the surface of the wall and his posterior sticking outwards, he could only assume one thing.

Every part of his limbs became paralyzed when Ritsu grasped at the rim of his trousers and slid them down until he was completely exposed. Although his head made an attempt to slowly turn, his hands were firmly rooted to the wall, rendering any part of him incapable of turning around.

"Ritsu-senpai...?" he couldn't hide the shaky tone in his voice. Ritsu paid no mind to it as he repositioned his hands back to his hips, feeling the soft skin and warmth of Tsukasa's trembling body in his palms. It had been far too long since they'd done this. Just to be able to see this part of Tsukasa again was something he couldn't quite believe. At this point, there was no use in trying to pinpoint the difference between dream and reality. Nothing made sense anymore. If this was just a dream, he could do anything he wanted, right?

He could faintly hear every quickened breath from the other. He wasn't sure if it was because he was still panting from earlier or because he was scared, but since he wanted it done 'quick,' he was simply going through with what he asked. If Tsukasa had a problem with it, then he should say so.

A loud, pained groan was muffled out by the palm of Tsukasa's mouth. His head banged against the wall. While quickly grinding together his teeth, he accidentally bit onto the tip of his tongue, and the iron taste of blood filled his mouth. The muffled sounds still escaped from between Tsukasa's closed lips. His teeth felt like they were on the verge of breaking, but if he opened his mouth now, he'd surely scream.

The stiffened tip of Ritsu's shaft pressed into the younger idol's unprepared hole. The sudden intrusion tore at his insides, forcing apart his walls to make room. Ritsu grimaced at the tight fit, but he didn't slow. Blocking out the agonized whimpers from the one he was putting it into, his grip on his hips strengthened, nails sinking into the soft flesh.

No matter how much Tsukasa wanted it to stop, he stuffed his words back down his mouth. He wanted this to end–the pain was too much to bear, and it felt like his body was being torn open. But he didn't dare speak; he didn't dare give Ritsu the satisfaction of knowing how much it hurt. He had decided from the start that he would endure this until the end.

Tsukasa's fingers curled together, scraping at the wall in front of him and creating long, white streaks in the rusted surface. The vile taste in his mouth was easier to ignore when the pain from below took away any senses he had left.

"...Ghh...!" The only sound that came from Ritsu was a low grunt as he continued to force the rest of himself inside.

_Hey, Su~chan...How does it feel, to be torn apart inside and out?_ The perverse thought echoed in Ritsu's mind.

The constriction around his member was starting to overwhelm him, and it seemed for a moment that fitting himself inside like this was impossible. His mind went blank for a second. His footing became unsteady, and he staggered slightly backward, rendering his previous progress futile. He heard Tsukasa let out a shaky cough as red liquid splattered along the ground like rounds of paint. His legs quivered, his entire body threatening to collapse. Before he could change positions, the sadistic urge from earlier rushed through Ritsu's veins like a pump of adrenaline, and he roughly seized a hold of what he had lost.

"A-Auuughhh...!!!" Tsukasa couldn't keep his mouth closed anymore. It hung agape as blood and saliva coalesced atop his tongue. Tears that had threatened the corners of his eyes freely ran down the sides of his cheeks. Without any warning, without any preparation, and not bothering to go slowly, Tsukasa felt like a hammer had swung into him. The intruding object lodged itself deep into his insides, meshing with the rest of his organs and threatening to maul them apart.

The darkened, emotionless look on Ritsu's face never wavered. Focused solely on entering the body in front of him, now that the most difficult part was over, he began to move his hips. The once-tight fit now started to slide in with the extra liquids that clung to the sides of his throbbing dick. Although he was not completely aware of it, he knew what he was doing was morbid, twisted, inhumane–but he couldn't stop. The enticing smell of blood intermixed with everything else that poured out of him made shivers run endlessly down his spine.

A shaky sigh left the curved ends of his mouth. The smell along with the relentless pressure around his dick encouraged him to go faster as he plunged into the other. He could hardly see the one in front of him as a person anymore. The pained cries were once again garbled and coming out broken, but he had long drowned out all the sound around him. The irresistible feeling of burrowing through the depths of his insides shot him with a dose of pleasure every time he swung his hips.

He leaned over him, attempting to add more power to his thrusts from a higher angle. A thought quickly crossed his mind as he pulled out only for a second. His insatiable hunger for more told him that this wasn't enough. He needed to push everything he had inside of him, with no holding back and at the most force he could manage. Keeping a tight hold on his hips, he dragged Tsukasa off the wall. The upper part of his body hung listlessly as he lifted his hips up to his.

"Hn-Hahh...!" A quiet, broken up moan left Ritsu's lips as he plowed back into Tsukasa's muddled insides. Any sense of reality had long left his mind. The intense surge of pleasure fueled his every movement. The rubbing of his insides against his dick. The sweet, alluring scent that resonated through all his senses. Sweat trickled down the sides of his face and down his back. His hips wouldn't stop, and with each plunge he struck deeper into the body before him. There was not a spot he didn't reach.

He let out a shaky breath as the feeling in his legs grew numb. His nails, which were imbedded into his soft, pale skin cut through the surface. As his vision turned white, his body gave off one long, powerful shudder, letting his essence fill up every corner of Tsukasa's insides.

"Hahh..." Ritsu let out a long, breathy sigh as he gradually pulled out. The numbness of his limbs quickly won over his body. He collapsed onto his knees, letting his legs fall to the side as he lay limp on the ground beside Tsukasa. The only sound came from his ragged breathing as he lackadaisically rolled onto his back. The clouds in his brain steadily dispersed. As he struggled to catch his breath, his eyes wandered the dark sky, gazing at the blurry stars veiled by a coat of clouds.

Once the sound of his panting subsided, his surroundings became all the more clear. His head tilted in the direction of the person beside him. His eyes rested upon the curled up figure for a minute, taking some time to understand what he was looking at under the moon's gentle glow. His head and legs were turned inwards to his chest, so all he could see was his back and his exposed rear. Some kind of dark liquid, which he determined was blood from the smell of it, seemed to be spilling from inside him. Scratch marks and purple bruises lined the sides of his body. His body continued to shake, and the closer Ritsu got, the more he could make out.

Propping himself up on his elbows, he crawled beside him until he could hear the muffled sounds pouring out from his trembling form. Pained, tired sobs broke the silence of the night.

"...Su~chan?" Ritsu called out, his voice barely audible as he struggled to sit up and peer over him to glance at his face. When he finally caught a glimpse, he wished he hadn't. Although he made an attempt to hide his face with his hands, he still noticed the tears streaming down his cheeks. His hands were covered in cuts and bruises, and his fingertips were scratched apart and coated in blood. The uneven sobs were interrupted by an occasional cough which brought forth more of the red liquid.

As Ritsu wordlessly stared at the damaged, barely alive person in front of him, his jaw remained unhinged but no sound could come out. _I...I did this...?_ he thought, feeling a cold sweat run down his back as he slowly came to the realization that this was not a dream. This torn-apart mess of a human being was someone he claimed to love, but what he did was out of anything but. His sick, twisted desires to inflict the same amount of pain to him that he had been inflicted with had warped into something far more grotesque.

"Ahh..." His trembling hands and feet propelled him backward. He couldn't look at him like this anymore, yet his eyes remained riveted on the crying figure, each tormented sob sending a wave of panic down Ritsu's spine. Using what energy he had left to keep from collapsing, he shakily stood to his feet. Falling back against the wall for support, his quivering hand reached into his jacket pocket to pull out his phone. Despite being on the lowest brightness setting, the bright light burned into his eyes. Quickly blinking away the pain, his finger hovered over his contacts, but it remained frozen in place. How would he explain this to anyone? Even if they were broken up, would it really be right for him to leave? The last person Tsukasa would want around him was surely Ritsu. He couldn't leave him here, but he was also unwanted...his hand gripped tightly around his phone, pressing into the darkened screen with his thumb.

The endless sobs had grown louder. As much as Tsukasa tried to hold it in, there was no helping it as the bawling reached Ritsu's ears and nearly crippled him.

_I need to leave..._ was his only thought as he shuffled his way past the broken idol, nausea churning his insides to mush. After turning the corner and emerging back onto the street, his back slid against the wall until he was slouched against it, his head in his hands as every limb in his body remained stiff, wishing that maybe, maybe if he stood this still, he could simply vanish with the night.

"Ahhh...!" A pained cry left his mouth as he slid further onto the ground. He shuffled back through his pocket to reach for his phone. When he turned it back on, the contact was still there, waiting for him to click on call. When he thought through all the people he knew, he was the one who he figured would be most capable of handling this situation. He'd been through enough as it is, and the last thing he needed was more people breaking in front of him, but Ritsu was at a loss for what to do. His quivering hand reached for the glowing green button. After several rings, an annoyed voice barked back.

_"Wha~t, Kuma-kun? I thought I told you not to call me late at night. Unlike you, I–"_

"Secchan, I broke him..." Ritsu quietly uttered, quickly interrupting Izumi's scolding. Each word was broken up into fragile bits. He clutched his legs to his chest as the tears he worked so hard to hold back started to cascade down.

_"Huh? Just what are you talking about?"_ The lump in Ritsu's throat had grown too big for him to maintain, and his voice became suppressed. The voice on the other line grew quiet for a moment, but that didn't last for long.

_"Kuma-kun, he~y, answer me when I ask you something. You can't just call me in the middle of the night and expect to be let off easy, you know?"_

"...Secchan, what do I do..." Ritsu lamented. He took a second to clear his throat before continuing. "Can you head here right now...? I'm...outside a restaurant...I think it's closed now, but..."

_"I can't understand a word you're saying. Are you asking me to head out? At this hour? Do you want to die?"_ There was a pause on the other line before he spoke up again. _"Hey, you're still there, right? It's sooo annoying when you don't answer, you know? If you don't tell me what's going on, I'll go over there and get it out of you myself."_

"...It's Su~chan..."

_"Kasa-kun? What about him, isn't he with you?"_

"I...I did something really bad...I broke...I broke Su~chan..." He let out a strained cry, hugging his knees tighter into his chest until they were pressed into his ribs. When he didn't hear a response, he hesitantly called out his name. "Secchan...?"

_"...What do you need me for?"_ Ritsu's voice stayed lodged inside his throat, and silence was his only answer. He apologized in his head as he abruptly hung up the call and started typing up a message instead. If he was incapable of talking, at the very least he can blink away the tears obscuring his vision for long enough to send him his location.

_Bring your first aid kit,_ he wrote. A sense of worry started to take over him when a couple minutes passed with no response. He let out a sigh of relief that he'd been holding in when Izumi's next response was, _On the way._

Although he knew he shouldn't be here, he couldn't leave Tsukasa on his own. If he remained by this corner and made sure no one slipped past him, he figured that should be enough. It scared him, not having him in sight, and only being able to see his fallen body from a distance as he peered down the alleyway. But he couldn't move any closer. There was nothing he could do but stay huddled in his corner as he struggled to fight the tears that were ceaselessly flowing down the sides of his face.

* * *

Each minute seemed to drag by for much longer than it should have. He kept glancing back at his phone to check the time every few seconds, but he knew his battery wouldn't last for long once the red light started blinking from the top corner. With one final buzz, the phone died out. Ritsu placed it back inside his pocket, his eyes fixated on the ground as he waited for time to slowly pass.

It could have been hours or only a few minutes, but eventually the screeching of car wheels could be heard. He didn't hear the approaching footsteps as they came to a stop in front of him. When he didn't respond to the figure standing before him, he flinched at the sudden feeling of someone's fist gently bumping against the top of his head.

"Ku~ma~ku~n." The familiar voice finally got his attention, and Ritsu's head slowly lifted upwards to see Izumi's face under the faint light of the streetlamps. His normally annoyed, scowling expression was replaced with something softer when he saw the exhausted, tear-stained look scrawled across Ritsu's face.

"Where's Kasa-kun?" he asked. Ritsu slowly turned to his side and pointed down the alley where he had come from. He didn't give him a response as he steadily turned back, still hugging his knees with a dead look in his eyes. Izumi let out a sigh, crossing his arms as he continued to stare down at him.

"What's with that look...Don't just stare at me like that, okay? If you're tired, go home and rest."

"...I can't..." Ritsu managed with a weak shake of his head. Even now that Izumi was here to take his place, he couldn't head back even if he wanted to. He had no idea where he was, his phone was dead so there was no way to call someone to pick him up, and he lacked the energy to even do so much as stand up. He figured he'll just stay here for the night until he gathered enough energy to walk and ask someone for directions, but Izumi's face told him he won't let that slide.

"Huuuh? You're not thinking of staying here the whole night, are you? You can't be that stupid, you know?" He hung his head and let out an annoyed sigh. "Get in my car. My driver will take you back, so just give him your address. I'll bring Kasa-kun with me."

At the mention of Tsukasa's name, Ritsu fervently shook his head. The last thing Tsukasa needed was to be subjected to sitting with him in the same car ride back. Izumi let out another long sigh.

"Fi~ne, I'll take him home after. Hurry up and get in the car then, okay? This place is far out, so it'll be a while to get you home."

"Nn...Take Su~chan first..."

"I'll take care of him later, okay? It'll be a pain if you collapse while I'm checking up on him. So hurry up and get home already." He pointed to his car, but Ritsu still couldn't move. He made a failed attempt to stand up, only to fall back against the wall. Before his legs could buckle and cause him to fall to the ground, Izumi grabbed a hold of his arm and dragged him in the direction of his car. With a click from the door as he heard it unlock, Ritsu was gently thrown into the passenger's seat with orders from Izumi to give the driver his address. When Ritsu refused to move his feet from outside the door, the young model pushed his legs further inside with his foot. He made sure that he was properly buckled in before reaching for the car door. Izumi sighed and turned away from the distressed idol as he saw his eyelids start to close, the seatbelt being the only thing keeping his body from falling over to the side.

He didn't waste any time once the whirring sounds of the car wheels were gone. He broke into a quick stride, medical kit slung over one shoulder as he followed where Ritsu had pointed to. He nearly stepped over the figure lying on the ground, half-naked and covered in a pool of his own sweat and blood. It took him a couple seconds to realize that this was the person he was looking for. Although his face showed no reaction, his body froze at the gruesome scene before him.

"Idiot Kuma-kun..." he grumbled, kneeling beside the withered idol to get a better glimpse of the state he was in. Although his frame was stiff, his light breathing indicated that he was asleep. Izumi contemplated working on his wounds in quiet, but he didn't want to send the idol into a panic if he woke up to someone messing with his body without his knowledge. Reluctant to wake him, Izumi gently shook his shoulders, calling his name repeatedly until the figure jolted awake. His eyes were barely able to keep open. They slowly readjusted to the person in front of him.

"Se...na-senpai...?" The coarse voice cracked with each syllable. He made an attempt to prop himself up with his arms, but he let out a pained groan and quickly collapsed back onto the ground. Izumi reached forward to grab him by the shoulders, carefully propping him up into a sitting position to make it easier to treat him.

"Hey, don't move so suddenly!" he snapped. The tired idol fell forward, unable to move on his own as Izumi held him up by the shoulders. Every part of his body had grown numb from the pain. He could barely manage to muster enough energy to keep his eyes open.

"...My apologies for my shameful appearance," he began, his quiet voice amplified by the silence of the night. His eyes were cast at the ground. "It is a disgrace to be seen like this, by my senior no less. I do not know how you found me, but I will bear the burden of this shame to my grave."

Izumi let out an annoyed scoff. He opened the medical kit that he had placed on the ground beside him, pulling out a disinfectant and promptly applying it to the scratches on Tsukasa's hands and arms. The younger idol winced, but the pain was nothing to him at this point.

"What you're saying is sooo annoying, you know?" Izumi barked, keeping his attention on cleaning out Tsukasa's wounds before reaching for the gauze. "I don't know what happened between you two, but I'll be killing both of you."

"E-Eh?" A surprised sound escaped from Tsukasa's mouth. "Ah, that is unnecessary...It was merely a _fight_ after all. Please do not concern yourself with our–Nnngh...?!" He gritted his teeth when he felt all the circulation promptly cut off from his arm.

"'Just a fight?' Are you mistaking me for some kind of moron?" Izumi snapped, carefully loosening the bandage and continuing to patch up the rest of his arm. "Anyone can see that it was more than that. I don't want to get involved in this kind of troublesome thing, okay? It was already enough of a pain to come here as it is."

"Nngh...With all due respect, nobody asked you to," Tsukasa retorted, a hint of annoyance in his voice. He didn't like sharing his personal life with others, even if Knights were no longer the individuals that lived apart in their own worlds. He figured this kind of thing was between him and Ritsu alone, but even he had to admit that he would have been completely helpless here if Izumi had not come.

"Kuma-kun did," Izumi answered, quickly silencing Tsukasa as he finished applying bandages to the front of his body. With all the wrapping around him, he could be mistaken as a mummy. The lifeless look in Tsukasa's eyes didn't help the situation.

"...Ritsu-senpai is a _monster_ ," Tsukasa quietly spoke. Izumi had stopped moving to look over him one more time to check if there were any areas he missed before asking a flustered Tsukasa to turn around. Although he insisted he was fine, Izumi snapped at him to show him what he looked like from behind. Through much hesitation, Tsukasa finally turned, revealing his exposed, bloodied rear and the marks and bruises that lined his hips. Izumi let out a sigh, wondering if he'll run out of disinfectant with how many places he had to fix up. As he slowly lathered the areas in ointment, he gave him a late response.

"Kuma-kun may be an idiot, but he's not a monster, you know?" He let out another exasperated sigh. "You're both idiots. You shouldn't treat someone you care about so terribly. The second the two of you recover, I'll lecture you for hours, you got it? And don't think you're getting out of it."

"...Ritsu-senpai doesn't care about me."

"If he didn't care, why would he have called me here to make sure you're okay? Ahh jeez, enough with this already. It's such a pain, so stop talking while I treat you, okay?" Tsukasa fell silent as he endured the numbing pain from the disinfectant, feeling himself starting to lose consciousness by the time he was patched up head to toe in bandages. When he was finally done, his head was already falling forward, his eyes steadily closing on him.

"Turn around," Izumi ordered. Tsukasa did so reluctantly and with Izumi's assistance. Seeing as how he could barely move, Izumi helped him back into this clothes–at this point, Tsukasa was too tired to fight the shame and guilt that ailed him from having to be dressed by his senior. His drained, colorless eyes told him that he was in no condition to be standing up or moving around. Even if Izumi helped him up now, judging from the injuries he had sustained, there was no way he was fit for returning home.

"I'll call the hospital," he said, reaching for his phone and interrupting the other before he could protest. "Even if you go home and rest, there's no guarantee you won't get sick or worse. I'll kill both you and Kuma-kun if that happens."

"Ah, but if you do that..." Tsukasa hesitantly spoke, a sudden anxious feeling running through his nerves as Izumi answered the phone. He continued to protest as Izumi spoke into the phone, but his arm stopped short when attempting to grab it from him. His muscles were too sore to move, and it fell back limp to his sides. He could do nothing but move his mouth to warn him not to, even once Izumi had already hung up the call and informed him that the ambulance was on the way.

"Sena-senpai, if my parents find out, it would surely bring more problems than is worth," Tsukasa tried to explain.

"Like what? It's not like you're going to tell them Kuma-kun did all this, right? This area at this time is dangerous anyhow, so if you explain to them that you got mugged, that's pretty believable, you know?" Since Tsukasa couldn't react fast enough, Izumi snatched his phone from his pocket and stuffed it into his own. "I'll be taking this. You're rich enough to afford a new one anyway, right?"

"Please do not take someone else's belongings without their consent–"

"But it's more believable this way."

"It is not that _simple_ –"  
  
"Then what?" Izumi snapped. He didn't have the patience to cavil with him on this. His voice rose with every word as he tugged on his arm to get him to stand up, propping it over his shoulder when he came close to falling. "You'll spill to them about what Kuma-kun did to you? Even if he's already broken, you still love him, don't you? Don't break him any more than he already is, you shitty brat." His words cut off Tsukasa's ability to retort, rendering him mute as he let the other slowly carry him over to the street.

They waited in silence as they listened for the loud whine of the siren to approach them. As tired as he was, Tsukasa's mind had started to wander. He never thought Ritsu would be the type of person to do this kind of thing, but as frustrated as he was, at the very least he could have stuffed down his pride for long enough to tell him to stop. When Izumi said that he was 'broken,' what could he have meant? Because of what he did? Or did Ritsu say anything else? He was surprised to hear that he had called someone to get him, even if he wished to bear the humiliation alone and not have anyone else witness the pitiful state he was in. The shame bore through his every muscle.

As the sound of the sirens grew louder, he let his body lapse into a comatose state when he was strapped into the hospital bed. He could hear a familiar voice snapping at the people tossing him into the carrier to be more careful with him, but at this point he could no longer feel anything. He did not expect this day to turn out like it did. Even though he prepared for every agonizing outcome and played it out in his head, this was one he could never have predicted.

Letting his mind drift off to a carefree, unconscious state, he had enough energy to mouth a distorted jumble of words. He wanted to apologize to Ritsu for leaving him in the dark, for abandoning him without warning, for not paying enough attention to him while they were going out–but all that left his lips was a muffled 'I'm sorry...' before all his surroundings turned white.


	3. Poisoned Rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, Hydr4gon here! My apologies for the slight delay; I was swamped with work for the past few weeks, but now I am back with another update! Please enjoy~

_"Ah, is this the place?" he asked as they made their way to the bridge, brushing past the flowers and bundles of green that greeted them upon first arriving. Ritsu had to keep a tight hold on his hand to keep from losing him right away as his partner excitedly broke into a stride. Even though the sun was still mercilessly striking his skin and made it feel like he was burning, somehow, it didn't hurt so much with Tsukasa by his side. The carefree, childish smile he so rarely showed was something he treasured, and he wouldn't want to do anything to cause that to go away._

_"Ritsu-senpai, there are fish_ _here!" he exclaimed, greeting him with an enthusiastic smile, his eyes wide and sparkling as he stopped in the middle of the bridge, pointing at the colorful koi fish swimming freely in the waters._

_"Mhm," Ritsu answered, peering over the fence along with Tsukasa. The fish flicked their tails when they got close, glints of orange and white as the sunlight graced their scales. "They're pretty, huh?"_

_"Yes, they are_ marvelous! _Would it be permissible to feed them? I heard that commoners sometimes toss them_ bread _, so I brought some for the occasion_ _☆_ "

" _I don't see any signs saying otherwise...Either way, it's not like we'll get caught..._ _♪_ _"_ _Ritsu looked to his side to see Tsukasa rummaging through his bag for the bread he claimed to have brought along. He reluctantly let go of his hand to make it easier for him. He folded his arms over the fence, leaning forward until he was staring down at the fish swimming peacefully in the river. The sounds of the cascading water and the chatter of songbirds surrounded him. The gentle breeze lured his eyes closed, tempting him with the urge to sleep. Had it not been for his boyfriend beside him, he could have easily taken a nap right here, in a shaded area by the trees or the tall shrubs decorated with vibrant flowers._

_He was still tired from their earlier visit to a sweets shop, which he had to wake up early for if they wanted to head here as well. It was the least he could do, anyway_ — _he wouldn't pass up a chance to be with the person he loved, especially on this day._

_As it seemed like the shuffling had come to a stop, Ritsu opened his eyes and turned his head to the side, catching a glimpse of Tsukasa with a piece of bread in one hand, a whole baguette with a golf ball-sized piece torn off in the other. Ritsu couldn't help but smile at the childish expression on his face as he stared down at the fish, pulling his arm back to throw a piece._

_"Ah..." a surprised cry escaped his lips when the piece of bread landed with a loud 'plop' into the water, causing the fish to scatter beneath the surface. A distraught look came over his face, so Ritsu grabbed the baguette from him, tearing off a smaller piece and holding out his open palm._

_"Don't throw it that hard. Take a small piece like this, and gently toss it. Like this..._ _♪_ _" Once the fish resurfaced, he dangled the bread over them, letting it slowly fall from between his fingers. Tsukasa watched in amazement as they gathered to peck apart the piece, greedily nibbling at it from all sides in a flock. Once it was quickly devoured, Tsukasa reached out his arms for the baguette, imitating what Ritsu had done and lightly dropping it into the water._

_A slight chuckle left his mouth when he saw their little bodies huddled close to each other, splashing every which way to compete for the small portion of bread he had tossed in. Rather than focusing on the fish, Ritsu's attention was on Tsukasa, the subtle smile permanently settled on his lips as he stared at the gleeful figure beside him. As Tsukasa became engrossed in tearing apart more pieces of bread, Ritsu slipped his hand into the pocket of his trousers and pulled out his phone. Knowing that he'll stop if he noticed he was recording, Ritsu quietly clicked on the round, red button to capture the moment. It wasn't long until Tsukasa turned back to him, eyes wide with excitement, only to have his face turn red upon noticing that he was being recorded._

_"R-Ritsu-senpai! Please do not take_ videos _of other people without their permission!" Although he was being scolded, Ritsu couldn't help but laugh. He let his phone face the ground as he kept laughing while Tsukasa continued to lecture him, not realizing that the footage was still running until he brought it back to eye level._

_"Please delete it this instant!" Tsukasa demanded, still fully red in the face._

_"No~pe_ _♪_ _"_ _Ritsu chimed. Hearing the annoyed grumbles coming from within the other's throat, Ritsu gave in and said he'll delete it, proceeding to scroll through his phone pretending to do so. Of course he wouldn't, but he wouldn't dare tell Tsukasa that._

_After putting his phone back into his pocket, he stifled the oncoming chuckles for long enough to break off some parts of the baguette for himself as well._

_"This time, we throw it together~ Let's see how many fish we can each get." The frustrated expression across Tsukasa's face was quickly replaced with a determined smile._

_"Fufu,_ nice plan☆" _As they both tossed in their pieces, he could already see the sparkles back in his boyfriend's eyes. Propping up his arm as he leaned into it, his eyes were once again cast on Tsukasa rather than the river below them. The normally strict, serious Tsukasa was laughing with a genuine smile, not one that was forced on. It was hard to believe this was still the same person. These were the two sides to the proud Tsukasa Suou, the person he loved more than he thought he could love._

_"Ritsu-senpai, it seems that it is my victory_ _☆_ _Shall we compete once more_ — _Mn-!" As soon as he turned his head and declared another challenge, he was met with the lingering sweetness of Ritsu's soft lips pressing into his. The blood rushed back to his cheeks when he spotted the smirk on his partner, whose face was mere inches from his._

_"A_ k-kiss _?" Tsukasa stammered. "W-Why so suddenly? In a_ public _place, no less...!"_

_"Fufu, it's fine~ No one's here to see, anyway...Not that I would mind giving them a show~"_

_"Nnngh...!" An embarrassed noise slipped through his teeth as he quickly turned his head to hide the redness of his face, the heat rushing up to his ears. "Do show some restraint, Ritsu-senpai! If anyone_ were _to see_ —"

" _Then what?" Ritsu interrupted, not averting his eyes for a moment. "They'll judge? So what? That doesn't matter to us...I won't let them say anything bad to you. I'm a knight too, you know~" He let out a soft chuckle, his hand reaching for the arm that was hanging by his side, levering it closer to him until his fingers slipped into his. Tsukasa's violet eyes finally locked back onto his, his eyebrows still scrunched while his cheeks were flushed a rosy pink._

_"It's a knight's job to protect the one he swore loyalty to, right...?" he continued to speak, slowly rubbing his thumb against the surface of his hand, fingers still woven together. "Then you can't change my mind..._ _♪_ _People can think what they want, but in the end, their opinions don't matter...yours is the only one that should."_

_The eyebrows that were once knitted together softened into something gentler until a small laugh took place of an answer. Ritsu wasn't expecting the sudden outburst, and a tint of pink colored his cheeks as he glowered at the other, feigning annoyance to mask the embarrassment he suddenly felt for saying something unnecessary._

_"Fufu, please do not show me such a grimace," Tsukasa spoke, attempting to silence the incoming chuckles. "My apologies, it really was undignified of myself to laugh. I would not have expected such an excessively_ romantic _response from you, Ritsu-senpai."_

_"...Excessively romantic?" Ritsu echoed, knotting his brows even further. Before he could start to pout, Tsukasa quickly intervened._

_"It is not a bad thing. I am quite surprised, is all. If I were a_ lady _, I would have surely swooned."_

_"...I did mean it, though..." Ritsu grumbled under his breath, his head tilted back down towards the fish. Before his fingers could slip from his, Tsukasa squeezed his hand, locking it back into place and lifting it up to himself. Ritsu's attention steadily turned back to face Tsukasa's gentle smile, easily resembling the appearance of a gentleman about to escort his lady to her house. He felt strange to see Tsukasa holding up his hand, but the other spoke up before he could stubbornly pull it away._

_"Ritsu-senpai." The sudden change in his tone caught his attention. The normally polite, composed tone was replaced with something quieter, something soothing, like the type of voice that could be used to lull him into a peaceful sleep. It had been a while since he felt this worked up around him, but his heart started beating against his chest at this unpredictable demeanor he so suddenly took on._

_"I cannot simply allow you to fend for me at your own sacrifice. After all, I am not a helpless_ princess _. I am a_ knight _, just like you. Though I am but a novice, you still allow me to remain by your side. I cannot afford to lose you." Before Ritsu could ask what he was going on about, Tsukasa cut off his words with a soft chuckle, bringing the hand he was still holding to his lips. After planting a quick kiss on the surface of his skin, the sweet smile of his sent a warm feeling through Ritsu's chest._

_"I, too, have vowed to be your_ knight _. It truly has been an honor to become close to you, Ritsu-senpai. If I could, I would steal you away forever." Both their faces were easily turning red by this point._

_"...Su~chan, what you're saying right now sounds like a proposal," Ritsu joked, letting out a small laugh. He was taken aback by Tsukasa's response, and the blood rushed back up to his face._

_"...Perhaps," Tsukasa admitted, also unable to keep from blushing, yet smiling all the same. "Since we are still in high school, it would be premature but...at the very least, I wish to make an oath. A vow for the person I love."_

_As Tsukasa knelt down on one knee, he continued to hold his hand, eyes locking with his. The only thing missing from this scene that would indicate it was a proposal was a ring. The smile never once wavered from Tsukasa's features._

_"If I may be so selfish to request, I wish to stay by Ritsu-senpai's side. I...have never felt happier when I am with you, and I, Tsukasa Suou, wish to greedily hold that feeling to myself." He stood up from the ground, brushing himself off briefly before catching Ritsu's gaze and returning it with a smile. Although he intended to kiss him, Ritsu was already one step ahead of him._

_Wrapping his arms around his waist, Ritsu pulled him in closer. Their lips connected, and after rewarding him with a few, sweet kisses, they paused for a moment to catch their breaths. Ritsu pressed his forehead against his, noses touching as he felt the other's breath against his skin. They both let out a quiet laugh when they caught the other staring, both too embarrassed to be looking into each other's eyes at such a close distance._

_"Ritsu-senpai..." Tsukasa quietly spoke. His eyes gleamed as the smile never faded from his face. "I promise to stay by your side."_

_A sweet smile, although artificial, remained on Ritsu's face. He let out a small laugh, his eyes falling to the ground. Even though Tsukasa's face was only inches apart from his, he could barely make out his next words._

_"...You're a liar, Su~chan." The hollow words sliced apart the facade of peace. His smile was no longer so kind. It felt unreal, a fallacy. Like it was drawn on._

_"I-I beg your pardon?" It was no doubt that Tsukasa was clearly confused, even though Ritsu knew that his crimes were too big to hide. A sinister, unsettling, almost maniacal laugh took place of an answer._

_"R-Ritsu-senpai?!" Tsukasa called out, abruptly pushing away from his partner, not believing what he was hearing. "I do not understand...Did I say something strange?"_

_Ignoring the worried look on his partner's face, the hollow laugh continued to echo through the once-peaceful surroundings. The beautiful orange and white fish scattered from the water, diving into the depths of the pond. Even the birds in the trees had stopped singing._

_"Mon..ster..." The fragmented words, cracked and disjointed, spilled from Tsukasa's mouth. They didn't sound like they had come from him, but they were undeniably his. "Ri...tsu...sen…pai...is a...mon...ster..."_

_When Ritsu turned his head upwards to glare into the eyes of the one who betrayed him, his cheerful, carefree expression had become corroded. Cuts and scrapes formed along his face, a look of utter horror as he stared back at him. The very expression of when he found him on the ground, chocking up blood and distorted sobs. The figure was shaking. Like he would break in one touch._

_Ritsu's mouth opened but no words came out. The torn-apart image of the person who called himself his boyfriend silenced him. No matter how angry he was at him, the very appearance terrified him._

_He hadn't realized his entire body stiffened until the Tsukasa from earlier was back, cuts and bruises gone as that same, innocently unaware face greeted him. He let out a breath he'd been holding in, letting his shoulders fall._

_"Ritsu-senpai? Please do not ignore me. Your expression just now was very worrisome, are you truly alright?" He took a step closer, eyebrows knitted as he cautiously approached him. Ritsu's emotionless eyes stared down at him. This seemingly sweet, loyal individual before him couldn't possibly abandon him, right? Maybe he'd imagined it. There was no way..._

_"You...left me...right...?" The words came out mechanical. His eyes stared right through him._

_"E-Eh? Left...Please do not be absurd. For what reason would I wish to leave you?" He paused between words, showing him a kind smile before tentatively taking another step closer, until their feet were touching. Worried that Ritsu might push him away, he cautiously tugged at the front of his shirt, looking to him for confirmation before pulling him into a hug. Ritsu's arms remained limp by his side as Tsukasa tightened his grip around the other._

_"Ritsu-senpai..." Tsukasa's voice came out quiet as he spoke beside his ear. "I made a_ promise _, didn't I? One that I very much intend to keep. I don't want to lose you...I love you, Ritsu-senpai."_

_Ritsu's form remained listless upon hearing the words. They sunk into his mind slowly, breaking up the other thoughts he'd had and all his doubts about them. Whether it was real or not didn't matter anymore. All he knew was that he was being held by the person who claimed to love him. Without realizing it, his own arms had found a way around the other's back, nearly constricting him as he held him close. His face became buried in his shoulder. He could just about hear his heartbeat from the closeness of his chest, along with his every breath as it softly landed onto his ear._

_"...I love you, too." Without meaning to, the words slipped off the tip of his tongue. There was no hesitation when he said them. As much as he wished to stay mad, all of his worries washed away when Tsukasa held him against his chest. He didn't want that comfortable, familiar warmth to leave him and pulled him back when his arms dropped from around him._

_Tsukasa let out a surprised yelp when he felt himself being drawn back in, the arms around him unyielding as they only continued to hold onto him tighter, like he was afraid he'd disappear the moment he let go. A slight chuckle left Tsukasa’s mouth as he moved his arms back into place._

_"...You promise, right...?" Ritsu's quiet words were broken into desperate bits._

_"Yes, of course. I would never leave you. ...Now, would you kindly release me for a moment? There is much we have yet to explore before the sun sets, and it would be a shame to let that opportunity go to waste." With much hesitation, Ritsu let his grip loosen as he pulled away, but one hand still remained clutching Tsukasa's. He wouldn't look into his eyes, but he knew he was trying to reassure him with a smile from the tone of his voice._

_"Please hold your head up high, like the proud senior I know you to be. ...I wish to look at you. A_ date _is best enjoyed when your partner grants you their full attention, is it not? Then please allow me to monopolize you..." He cut off the end of his request with a quick kiss to his lips as soon as Ritsu turned his head to him. With a smile, he tugged at his hand, his fingers interwoven with his as the cheerful expression from earlier was quick to wash over his face._

_Ritsu followed his lead as he let out a small laugh, gazing at the back of his boyfriend breaking into a stride at the anticipation of what there was yet to be seen. Here they were, on the day of their six-month anniversary, and Ritsu was stuck mulling over pointless thoughts. About things that never happened._

_After all, they made a promise. And he trusted Tsukasa to keep it._

_As he let the other guide him, his hand still tightly gripping onto his, Ritsu's smile steadily began to waver. Little by little, his fingers started to slip._

_"Su~chan, wait..." His voice was droned out by the other's laughter, completely oblivious to his concerns. He seemed to be pointing at something ahead as he called his name, but for some reason he missed the mortified look on Ritsu's face as his feet could no longer move, and the hand that had been desperately grasping at Tsukasa's could no longer grab on._

_Everything slowly swirled into a blur. Colors became intermixed. His own sense of gravity seemed to change, like the very bones in his feet were magnets sticking to the ground. Black splotches filled his vision. The only one thing that remained vibrant was Tsukasa, the person he loved, steadily disappearing further and further into the distance._

_"...Wait-!" The air to his lungs was constrained. Vines that had not been there before twisted around his ankles like boa constrictors, locking his legs to the ground. He hit the dirt floor with a groan. His feet tied up, the floor wavering like he was floating astray in the ocean. Even when his voice managed to croak up a few words, they were fragmented and distorted. Face turned to the ground, the most he could do was outstretch his arm, hand grasping desperately for something that wasn't there. The sturdy vines continued to coil around him, until his vision was becoming nothing but a tunnel. And at the faraway center stood Tsukasa, who had stopped still, as if just realizing that Ritsu was no longer with him. His feet paused in place, steadily turning around until his eyes met Ritsu's._

_The dull, lifeless eyes of his partner. The same look he had after he'd found him on the ground, withering away with blood trickling down from all the gashes in his body. The gashes he'd caused him._

_Those eyes continued to stare right through him as his vision turned black. A quiet 'Don't leave...' was all Ritsu could think while witnessing the very person who'd told him he loved him turn back around, walking off and pretending he didn't see._

* * *

Ritsu woke with a start, his entire body alerting him with a jolt. Eyes widened, heart racing, cold sweat running down his body. As he struggled to adjust to his surroundings, his vision finally managed to focus. His head, which was resting on the table, was turned towards the wall of the studio. The rest of his body was enveloped by the warmth of the kotatsu. Feeling like he was being constrained, he gradually rolled his way out from under. Heart still pounding against his chest, he let out a couple shaky, deep breaths once he was sitting up.

_That dream...that's all it was, right?_ he thought, knowing very well that parts of it were true and wishing to deny it with a shake of his head. Another unsteady breath escaped him. Their six-month anniversary date he recalled so vividly: taking him out for sweets, stopping for a walk in the beautiful park where they fed fish together, finishing it off by staying over at Tsukasa's manor...It was nothing less than perfect. So much so that he wondered if that ever really happened.

Pulling out his phone from his pocket, the device had heated up from when he passed out under the kotatsu. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sleeping there; he arrived at the studio early, knowing for sure he'd end up asleep elsewhere if he didn't get here on time. Since his unit was meeting up around the evening, he must not have slept for long. Not that the little sleep he even got felt the slightest bit refreshing.

Quickly searching through the files on his phone, it took him a little while to find what he was looking for. As he wasn't the best at using cellphones, it was still difficult to understand where things were. He never had much of a need for it before, but since he started dating Tsukasa, the two of them agreed that it would be convenient to have a way of communicating outside of school.

Hesitantly clicking on 'play,' his phone started to project the video he recorded a while back. It was zoomed in to Tsukasa's smiling face as he tossed bread over the gate between him and the fish splashing about in the water. The video was a bit shaky, and it became even more so when Tsukasa's embarrassed face met the camera, eyes wide with cheeks the color of roses. He could hear the other stammering a lecture in the background as the camera faced to the ground at an angle which only showed a tilted fence and the bridge they were standing on, shrouds of green trees in the back. Aside from that of Tsukasa's scolding, Ritsu could be heard struggling to contain a laugh, making the phone shake even more.

Eventually the laughing died out when Ritsu lifted the phone back up, catching a glimpse of Tsukasa's blushing expression one last time before the video came to a close and the room fell silent. Ritsu stared at the unmoving screen for a couple moments before his thumb hovered over the button labeled 'delete.' When the confirmation screen popped up, although his thumb was right over the screen, he couldn't bring himself to press it against the screen. After much deliberation, the video was finally removed, and he placed his phone to the side, sliding it out of the way.

Letting out a quiet sigh, he slumped against the top of the kotatsu, staring blankly out at the studio. His eyes landed on their unit costumes, all five of them aligned neatly on hangers. He wondered if it would be so bad if there were only four left, but as quick as that thought was to enter his mind, it left just as fast. Knights was complete when it was the five of them...and that's how it should stay.

Just when he was ready to close his eyes for a little longer, the turn of the doorknob and the rambunctious voices that interrupted his solitude snapped him out of his drowsy state.

"Rittsu~!" The loudest, also the first to greet him, made him wince as his voice blasted through his ears. The other two followed soon after, already having difficulty reigning in their boisterous leader. It didn't take long for him to be sprawled across the kotatsu, marker in hand and sheet of music paper in front of him. Still fighting the urge to fall back asleep, Ritsu slowly sat back up, groggily rubbing his eye with the back of his hand.

Arashi and Izumi joined their king on either side, paying him no mind and already attending to their own business. Izumi glanced his way but said nothing; it was like he was trying to warn him of something, but Ritsu couldn't tell what. As he hadn't mentioned his incident with Tsukasa to anyone else, he could feel the tension between them start to escalate over the past few days that Tsukasa had been in the hospital. Since his injuries had been more serious than he thought, he had been kept there for about a week now until the doctors were sure that he could walk properly. Ritsu dreaded the moment where he'd surely be called in for investigation. If word got out that it was him who did this all to him, he couldn't bear the thought of how Tsukasa's parents might react, and that alone was enough to cripple him with guilt. Even if Izumi saved him with a cover up story, it was ultimately up to Tsukasa to decide whether or not to make it known that Ritsu was the culprit.

Although unbeknownst to the rest of Knights, the tension between him and Izumi was like a thin sheet of ice. The gray-haired idol stared idly in the direction of the other two, tapping his finger against the kotatsu and snapping at them to quiet down. He had been growing more and more agitated, slowly slipping back into his old habits from when Leo had left them. Even though Ritsu was the only one who seemed to notice, there wasn't anything he could do. At least, there wasn't anything he knew how to do.

"He~y, are any of you even listening?" he barked, shoving the papers in front of them and into the center of the kotatsu. "This upcoming live isn't a joke, you know? If we fail, that reflects on our grades as well. So don't drag me down with you idiots, got it?"

"Fine, fine~ Just don't interrupt my concentration-Ah! My ideas, suddenly rushing in like the rhapsodies of angels—Wahaha! It's here, my inspiration☆" Quickly becoming engrossed in scribbling out lyrics across the page, Izumi gave in with a sigh. They could tell there was no stopping him until he was done, so Ritsu rested his head back on the top of the kotatsu. Just when he thought he was going to be able to get some decent shut-eye, a certain name popped up in conversation, and his eyes fluttered open.

"Whoa, is that why it's been so quiet~?!" Leo exclaimed, as if just now realizing that one of their members was missing.

"Ousama, don't pretend like you don't know, isn't that a bit cruel?" Arashi chimed in. "To think that he would get mugged...! Oh, if only I were there to see the person who would do such an awful thing to poor Tsukasa-chan...I wouldn't let them lay a finger on our youngest member. Besides, going after high schoolers, isn't that going too far?"

"Yeah, the guy's a real idiot," Izumi added, taking a blatant jab at Ritsu, even raising his voice to make sure he heard. Ritsu pretended not to hear and tried to focus on getting back to sleep, managing to drown out the chatter from around him. Once he was just beginning to drift off, he caught the end of Izumi's sentence, and he was no longer so sleepy. Lifting up his head, his eyes stared right into Izumi's. The model caught his gaze, as if expecting him to react.

"He's coming back...today?" Ritsu's words could barely be heard above the discordance, but all three of them quieted down at his unexpected interjection.

"Yeah," was all Izumi said before going back to scolding Leo for starting to scribble lyrics across the top of the kotatsu. Ritsu's gaze was redirected to the sheets of music scores scattered along the surface. He must have appeared in a daze because Arashi called out to him not long after.

"Ritsu-chan, are you alright?" The concerned tone in his voice caught his attention, and he was met with round, worried eyes. "If it's Tsukasa-chan you're worried about, we're all thinking the same thing. At the very least, he's safe now, so wipe that frown from your face! Frowning so much will give you wrinkles, you know?" He peered over at Izumi, casting him an accusatory look.

"Like I keep telling a certain someone...Izumi-chan, as a model it's important to be concerned about these things! Your pretty face will grow old and wrinkled before you know it, and that's no good!" Before Izumi could have a chance to rebuke, the other model turned his attention back to Ritsu. "Did you get to visit Tsukasa-chan in the hospital? Ufufu, you should buy him a bouquet of flowers before he returns, how romantic!"

The scowl on Ritsu's face was quick to silence him on the matter. Just in case the message didn't get through, he made sure to enunciate on it.

"...I'm not talking to him anymore," Ritsu said, dragging out his words under his breath, eyes cast to the side. Even Leo, who had been transfixed on his lyrics up until now, put his marker to a pause. Ritsu hated that suddenly everyone was staring at him, and he let out an exasperated sigh.

"Before anyone asks, don't bother me about it. It's too troublesome to explain," he snapped. The last thing he needed was involving more people in their dispute. This was between him and Tsukasa, so it was really no one else's place to intervene. He was sure Arashi would be insistent on providing him with reassurance and comfort, but he really wasn't up for that kind of thing.

When he reluctantly looked back, it was Leo whose eyes he caught first. The once gleeful, childish expression that was painted onto his features was no longer. Something much more serious occupied his face instead. It was one of those looks where it seemed like he wanted to talk to him about something, but Ritsu rejected his offer with a shake of his head before he could form the words.

"It's fine...Just leave me alone, okay?" Ritsu spoke with a sigh. Although he tried not to let his exhaustion show, it was obvious to everyone just how dire the situation was. It was surely killing everyone inside to be subjected to this kind of atmosphere, but what could he do? The damage had already been done. There was no going back.

As if on cue, the knock on the door directed all four heads in the direction of the sound. Seeing as they were already all gathered here, the dreadful realization of who it could possibly be dawned on Ritsu, and suddenly the one wish he had was that he had enough time to somehow leave the studio before that door opened. Before he could think up a plan, the door had swung open.

"Please excuse me for the intrusion." The all-too-familiar voice rang in his ears. Not giving it much thought, Ritsu put his head back against the top of the kotatsu, arms folded in front of him like he was sleeping. Even though the quickened pace of his breathing and heart rate said otherwise.

"Tsukasa-chan~!" Arashi exclaimed as he hopped up from his seat to tackle the younger idol into a hug, effectively crushing him and nearly rendering his entire time at the hospital for naught.

"N-Narukami-senpai, please do not be so rough on Tsukasa...!" he managed to croak between life-endangering hugs. Even if he didn't look like it, Arashi was certainly a force to be reckoned with. When the model realized the extent of what he was doing, he let his arms go for a moment, the innocently worried look back in his eyes when he spotted the paled look across his features. It didn't help his situation when his unpredicted attack was soon followed up with another, this time by Leo.

"Suo~!" The cheerful tone that sounded from far away gave him enough of a warning to act on time. As if his life was in danger, Tsukasa leaped to the side, letting his leader fall face-first against the ground, arms outstretched. He remained there for a couple moments as muffled groans came from the body sprawled across the floor.

"... _Leader,_ please get up. That is an undignified position for our _king_ to be in." Of course, the first thing that slipped from his mouth as he peered over the fallen body of his senior was a scolding. He offered out his hand but was denied it as Leo growled at him before hopping back onto his feet on his own. That pouty look reminded him of a child denied of candy.

"Mrrrgh! Hugs aren't to be dodged, they're to be accepted with grace! Open your arms and accept the love that flies in~!"

"With all due respect, your actions were out of anything but _grace_ —"

"No talking back, newbie! Remember your place, wahahahaha☆"

"—And please do not refer to me as 'newbie.' It is far past that point that I should be addressed in such a manner." Before Leo could interrupt any more, he spoke up to the rest of them, his eyes darting about the room to see where they all were. Leo and Arashi were still too close for his own comfort, whereas Izumi stood with his arms crossed, not saying a word as he stared directly at him. The cold gaze he was receiving from the other made the muscles in his body tense. When he walked over to him with a menacing scowl plastered across his lips, Tsukasa stood frozen like a deer in headlights. As the only other person who knew about what really happened that day, it surely meant a devastating alteration to their relationship.

"...Did you gain weight?" The unexpected words made Tsukasa blink, a confused 'Eh?' left his mouth. A startled yelp was quick to follow when he felt a hand roughly tugging at his cheek.

"What did you eat?" he demanded.

"P-Please do not grab at my cheeks—"

"A~nswer me, Kasa-kun."

"Nnngh..." He let out a pained groan when he finally let go of his cheek. As his hand went to rub the place that he had so roughly pulled at, he shot him back a glare. "Pardon me for my impertinence, but at the very least would you kindly grant me the proper return, rather than all this excessive physical contact? It is quite unseemly."

The hurt look on both Arashi's and Leo's faces made him quickly regret his words. Before he could take them back, the barrel of the gun was pointed at him.

"You might want to start talking," Izumi warned, already sensing the building tension.

"T-There was nothing out of the ordinary, simply the standard hospital course—"

"And?"

"...Er, _p_... _pudding..._ " The blood rushed to his face as Izumi's eyes narrowed. "Please be understanding of my circumstances. As I am strapped to a hospital bed, there is not much opportunity for exercise...I shall make it up before the next lives through extensive training. My nutritionist is already working on a new _diet_ plan as well."

His propositions seemed to be effective in pardoning him of his crimes because Izumi was no longer glowering at him, and he took a step back to lean against the wall. The most he did was give him a quick lecture, which Leo interjected with a laugh, saying that he's acting like a strict mother just now.

Although he didn't get the welcoming he wanted, it was nothing less of what he expected—but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. A small smile cracked his serious disposition for a moment; even though he'd only been gone not much longer than a week, it felt nice to be back. He couldn't think of anywhere else he'd rather be.

But that illusion of comfort didn't last for long. As his eyes scanned the familiar room, his body froze when he spotted the sleeping figure by the kotatsu. His heart rate immediately spiked, and his hand inadvertently ran back and forth along the part of his arm where he had bitten him, lightly scratching at the bandage underneath his sleeve.

"Tsukasa-chan, is something wrong?" Arashi's concerned voice snapped him back to his senses, and Tsukasa responded with a fervent shake of his head. While he wished to sound convincing, the sullen look on his face didn't help his argument.

"No, it is alright...It is nothing that should concern you," Tsukasa spoke, managing a sheepish grin. He wondered why his seniors had such dismal expressions written across their faces, and the thought of 'What if he told them?' crossed his mind, and he was suddenly annoyed again at his careless ex-boyfriend. Their relationship was not anyone else's business, and it was already bad enough that Izumi had to find out. Tsukasa always figured it would be a foolish idea to let the others know of their relationship, and he was starting to regret going along with Ritsu's decision of getting them involved. It seemed that, once again, Ritsu had spilled something that shouldn't have gotten leaked. Not wanting to disrupt the air with unwanted tension, he managed a smile and redirected their attention.

"I regret to have fallen behind in practice, so would my seniors be so kind as to inform me of what I have missed?" He glanced between the three of them, looking for one of them to start talking and providing him with the information he needed. It was Izumi who spoke up first, but not without letting out a sigh and tossing one hand up in the air.

"I just went over everything, so it's a real pain to say it all again, you know? The live is in a week, so it's not like you'll be able to learn everything by then, so you'll only get in our way." It seemed like Arashi was about to interject, but Tsukasa spoke up in his place.

"I realize this is cheeky of me to request as a novice, but please allow me to partake in the upcoming live," he said, the confident look in Tsukasa's eyes not fading for a moment. "No matter how arduous it may be, this Tsukasa Suou shall take up the task☆"

"Just what do you think you're doing, you cheeky brat?" Izumi snapped as he took a couple steps forward until he was towering over the other. Tsukasa felt a little nervous as he was looking him up and down, but he stood firm, even as the other continued lecturing him.

"You just came back from the hospital. If you get any more injured, don't expect me to run to your aid." Tsukasa met his stern gaze with an unyielding glower of his own. Before he could have a chance to retort, Arashi stepped in before either of them could get any more worked up.

"Izumi-chan, don't be so cruel~!" he chimed, taking one step closer to them in case anything got out of hand. His attention turned to Tsukasa, a gentler look on his face than the one he gave Izumi. "Tsukasa-chan, are you really alright? If you need a break from lives, don't push yourself so hard, okay? Having to be a victim to a mugging like that, it must have been really scary...If you ever need a hug from your big sis, I'll welcome you with open arms♪"

" _Mugging_?" Tsukasa repeated, forgetting for a moment about his cover up story. The oblivious look on his face faded as quickly as it was to appear when Izumi shot him a knowing glance.

"Ah, yes," he hastily added, his expression changing to normal as he held up his arms as if warning him not to get any closer. "Er, that is unnecessary. I am fine now, so please do not concern yourselves with my troubles. I would much rather put this behind me and move forward from this matter..."

His eyes rested upon the sleeping figure once more. His hands trembled, but he dared not show it and clenched them into fists. Even if he said he would rather move on, his body continued to shake, every part of him telling him to run away.

"...Um, if it would be permissible, would one of my seniors be so kind as to catch me up on the details of the upcoming live?" he hesitantly asked, redirecting his eyes anywhere else. He felt ashamed to be wasting everyone's time, but he did not bluff when he said he was intent on participating. Not matter his circumstances, he was still a part of Knights, and there was no excuse for him to shirk his work.

He made the mistake of glancing back at the figure by the kotatsu. Figuring he was just sleeping like usual, his heart stopped when he spotted the slight movement. He had lifted his head just barely above the cover of his arms, and it was so inconspicuous that he could have easily mistaken it. But this was no mistake.

His glowering red eyes pierced through his. Tsukasa's breathing stopped, his feet frozen in place. The trepidation paralyzed his limbs. Everything he tried so hard to wipe from his mind during his time at the hospital came vividly flashing back to him; the sadistic grin on Ritsu's lips, the inhuman glare that locked him in place, the unspeakable things he did to him...

His knees buckled over, and it was only thanks to Arashi's quick thinking that he was able to keep on his feet.

"Tsukasa-chan, are you alright?!" Tsukasa struggled to regain his balance, brushing the other off him despite the uneasy shaking in his legs.

"I-I am fine. Please do not concern yourself over me...I merely lost my balance for a moment, that is all." He wasn't sure who he was trying to fool. It was obvious he was anything but fine. However, what more could he really do? Even if it terrified him, he wouldn't so readily run away. Not from the Knights he chose to stand by, the ones he chose to serve his loyalty to until the end.

All their chattering was enough to rouse the previously peaceful idol. Although Tsukasa was the only one to spot the malicious glare that bore through his skin, it didn't take long until he made it known to everyone else in the room that he was irritated.

"So noisy~ Keep it down, would you...?" He didn't directly specify who he intended it for, but it was an easy thing to understand between the two of them that it had been aimed at Tsukasa. All eyes were directed at him as he let out a quiet yawn before slowly sitting up in his seat. Not bothering to give him another glance, he sauntered his way past the other idols, brushing into Tsukasa just to knock him back a little before reaching the door.

"If there's nothing else here to discuss, I'm going home..." he spoke through a tired voice, not looking behind him once. He didn't want to be here anymore. Not near Tsukasa, not near any of the other Knights. Even sleeping here was too much of a pain to attempt with his ex-boyfriend in the same room.

It was hard to believe that the person he least wished to be around used to be someone he'd hold in his arms all night, someone he'd one day have the courage to share all his secrets with. Someone he trusted more than anyone else in his life. But that was no longer, and every minute he spent with him felt like it went and vanished into thin air the moment that day ended. He may as well have imagined everything that happened between them.

After all, now Ritsu was nothing more to him than a fellow member of Knights. All that they did together might as well have been naught. If this was the way things were going to go from this point forward, he didn't want to be here anymore. It was tiresome, and all he wanted to do was sleep. If he slept for long enough, maybe he'd finally start to forget the memories they shared together. It could really be like nothing ever happened.

That way, he could still remember Tsukasa as someone he truly believed in.


	4. Back to the Beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick note for commenters: although this is needless to say, please be courteous and respectful when commenting. If you don't have anything good to say, don't say it. I do not tolerate any rude comments/discourse on my work. As this is a work intended for mature audiences, I expect my readers to behave in a mature manner as well. Thank you for your understanding.
> 
> Another chapter is out~ I am not too proud of how I wrote this as I was in a bit of a rush to finish, so I may come back to fix up on it later. 
> 
> Things are changing, and the future of Knights is becoming unclear...

As the upcoming lives were only in a few days, all of Knights had to make an attempt to catch their youngest member up to pace; however, that was rather difficult to do when another member was consistently absent. From practice, from meetings, from classes—it was almost like he'd suddenly disappeared from the school.

Tsukasa glanced back at the door, expecting him to arrive despite not showing up for over an hour now. It wasn't just when he was around, either; apparently nobody else had seen him around. Even when Arashi had asked Ritsu's childhood friend if he knew of his whereabouts, all he said was that he'd been stuck in bed with a fever. Or at least, that's what he was told.

"Kasa-kun, you're not paying attention again." The younger idol let out a yelp when a fist lightly bumped against the top of his head. When he formally apologized and got back into position, Izumi let out another sigh. He'd been sighing almost every day now. The tired look in his eyes only seemed to grow worse, and it got to the point where even Tsukasa took notice.

However, every time he brought it up, he was immediately silenced. He knew there was more to it than simply being tired, but it would be improper of him to pry into someone else's business. Knights has always been a unit that worked alone. While they used to be able to come together as a family, even that was steadily falling apart.

"From the beginning," Izumi declared as the three of them worked through the steps. Both Ritsu and Leo were missing, but they couldn't keep delaying practice just to wait for them to show up. No matter how many times Tsukasa told them it won't be enough if they were the only ones practicing, Izumi kept repeating that there was nothing they could do.

"Ah..." Tsukasa messed up another step, nearly stumbling backwards. Arashi shot him a worried glance, but he dismissed it with a weak smile and a shake of his head.

"My apologies, it seems that I am not myself today..." Tsukasa muttered, shaking his head in frustration. "From the top, please. I shall follow more closely this time."

They repeated the same steps, but it only made Tsukasa more and more annoyed with himself for not following properly. He let out an exasperated sigh, only to meet the eyes of his tired seniors. Tsukasa gritted his teeth as he hung his head, staring at the ground with fists clenched. _Why is it that no matter how much effort I put in, I am still miles away from my seniors?_ he wondered as he reached down to pick up the water bottle by his feet. As the cool water ran down his throat, he paused for a moment longer to catch his breath. Before he could ask if they could keep going, he looked up to see Arashi by his side, looking as worried as ever.

"If you need to rest, don't hold back on asking, okay? You look really pale..." Before Tsukasa could intervene, Arashi placed his hand against his forehead as if checking for a fever. Tsukasa immediately took a step back, gently brushing his hand away as he shook his head.

"It is alright. I am fine, I assure you."

"Boys who lie aren't cute, you know~?" His words were both stern yet doting, like a caring mother or sister. "Tsukasa-chan, when was the last time you slept properly? And look at your arms, they're getting chubby!"

Tsukasa recoiled the second he reached out his arms to prove it to him, but it seemed like he was surrounded once Izumi was on the other side, blocking off any path of escape. He let out an annoyed groan when the older idol tugged roughly at his cheeks, causing tears to form in the corners of his eyes. He managed to mutter a disjointed, 'Please let go of my cheek,' before Izumi finally heeded his words. However, the angry scowl on his face told him he won't be getting out of this without at least a lecture.

"What, now you're not sleeping, either? What's with you two, can't either of you figure out how to take care of your health properly?"

"...Two?" Tsukasa reiterated, still rather annoyed at him for pulling on him so roughly and shooting him a grimace as he spoke.

"You and Kuma-kun." The name made Tsukasa freeze in place, and he could tell by Izumi's expression that he was getting tired of all this. It was merely a few days before the live, yet there hadn't been one day since his return from the hospital that all of them had been able to stay in the same room. Although Tsukasa contemplated confronting Ritsu one last time about the matter, he was very much reluctant to do so. Both for the reasons that he was frustrated with his childish behavior and that he was slightly scared that he might look for a way to get back at him again. Even though they were supposed to be a proud group of five who withstood any hardships that came their way, they were barely even able to hold themselves together. No amount of push and shove seemed to be enough to put their pieces back together, but Tsukasa believed there had to be some way.

There had to be something he could do to bring together the Knights he so admired.

Letting out a sigh, Tsukasa apologized once more and reluctantly excused himself for a break. As he took his seat by the end of the dance practice room, his back slid against the cool wall as he stretched out his feet. Sitting down was enough to make him feel like never wanted to get up again. He dragged the water bottle back up to his mouth. While watching the other two perform, he could tell there was something off in their steps. The usual, elegant grace that they possessed seemed almost absent, like the movements were nothing more than methodical.

Tsukasa couldn't help but wonder if this was all his fault. As the novice, he was used to making careless mistakes that made his seniors look bad. But to bring them to a point where they could no longer function as a unit? If that incident was the cause of something so detrimental, he could never forgive himself.

He was infuriated with Ritsu, but he also couldn't help but put all the blame on himself. Even if he was no longer a 'newbie,' it wasn't his place to be acting out of turn. In the end, the responsibility to amend the devastating situation fell on him, but even he was at a loss for what to do. For once he couldn't bring himself to drag them all together and talk things through. Not when one of them was someone who he was sure hated him to the very bone.

The Knights he'd forever admired were crumbling before him.

* * *

How many days has it been now? Ritsu had long lost count. He rolled onto his side, staring at nothing in particular from across his bed. Streams of light attempted to wedge their way through the curtains but without much luck. Even though it was easily the middle of the day, he couldn't sleep. Normally it would be no problem for him, but the nightmares that haunted him kept rousing him awake until he was no longer able to fall asleep.

He let out a sigh and rolled onto his back instead. His glossed-over eyes stared mindlessly at the ceiling, the bags under his eyes distinguishable even in the dark. He'd shoved a book under the small opening by the door to keep anyone from coming in, but his brother insisted he at least answer him otherwise he'd have to break down the door to make sure he was still alive. It was too much of a pain to have to deal with that, so he groaned a response and flung something at the door whenever he was around.

At first it'd started with classes as he'd rather fall asleep in the garden terrace. But after a while, he no longer had the energy to even leave his room. He wasn't doing anything at school anyway, so what was the point of even showing up?

As for lives, he was still a part of Knights. No matter how much trouble it was, he wasn't about to walk away from the group that reached their hand out to him when he had nothing. Even if he had to practice separately to catch up.

A quiet 'ping' sounded from his phone. He brought the bright screen to his face, wincing at the light and blinking several times before his eyes adjusted. It was the usual update from Izumi: the steps they altered in their performance, as for what parts were getting added in. Ritsu had requested that he send them to him so that he could practice, and although he only scolded him at first, seeing as how Ritsu never showed up, he was left with no choice. So after every dance practice, he'd quickly send a video or explain to him what to fix. He normally didn't add much more to it, but a couple minutes after his message, he added, _You better be eating properly._

Ritsu let out a slight chuckle. _Secchan, you're really kind, huh...?_ he thought, though it was something he'd already known for a while. Everyone in Knights was kind. Even if they didn't all seem like it at first, the Knights that used to be comprised of individuals who'd always keep to themselves were becoming more like a family.

At least, that's how it used to be. Now that he wasn't showing up, he could only wonder how things were going. If everyone else was still there and behaving as normal, it should be fine, but...

Ritsu let out a long sigh and slowly sat back up. It must have been a while now since he'd shown his face, so at the very least he could head to the dining room and eat something for a change. He was still an idol, after all. If his appearance suffered, so did his reputation.

As he reluctantly reached for the doorknob, his mind started to wander. He'd been preparing for the upcoming live, but it would be clear as day that he had not practiced with the rest of the group. Even if he had the experience, he couldn't simply hop into their formation and expect everything to go smoothly. Studying videos could only get him so far.

The videos that Izumi sent were from practice, but he had brought the camera far enough to the left that Tsukasa was cut from the footage, only showing Izumi and occasionally Arashi. When they were both in the frame, he could see how out of sync they were. It wasn't like when they usually rehearsed. There were bound to be some slip ups, but not so many this close to the day they had to perform. Izumi seemed completely focused on his own part, not minding anything or anyone else around him. Rather than trying to stay in tandem with the rest of the group, they had reverted to performing at their own pace.

It was like they were steadily moving backwards. It was almost the end of the year, but it felt like time had reversed itself to the beginning. Leo's loud voice was nowhere to be heard, Izumi's lessons were harsh and relentless, and nobody was checking up on each other during practice to see that their movements were matching.

It was like all their time together had been for naught. Everyone was reverting back to their old routine, like they were nothing more than strangers who worked together...

Ritsu let out a quiet sigh as he took a glimpse down the hallway to make sure nobody was around before heading out. Just when he thought he was getting used to the company, suddenly there was no one around. It wasn't just Tsukasa who was leaving anymore.

It wasn't long until they would all disappear from his life, leaving him empty once again.

* * *

 The day of the live. After hours of practicing the night before, he was sure he had it down. It wasn't normally something he'd be too nervous for, but it was almost as if he was performing a solo part. Having worked apart from the others, he could only hope they didn't change anything at the last minute and everything will go smoothly once the stage was theirs.

Ritsu let out an exhale as he stepped into the room he'd been avoiding for so long. The backstage prepping room, where the rest of his unit was waiting. He could already hear their voices as he opened the door. The familiar voices he hadn't heard in weeks.

He wasn't sure what to prepare for. Should he be expecting a lecture? A warm welcoming seemed like too much to ask for. They must be infuriated with him.

As the others came into sight, he paused in place as the chattering voices steadily quieted down. Arashi and Izumi were both frantically fixing up their makeup, whereas the other two were nowhere to be found. The former was fixing up Izumi's makeup for him as Izumi sat in a chair facing the other. Both of them turned their attention to Ritsu the moment he appeared before them.

"...Long time no see~" Ritsu spoke, interrupting the silence as he stepped forward. The surprised look on Izumi's face didn't remain for long as he turned back to Arashi without so much as a greeting in return.

"You better have practiced," he stated, as cold as ever. A slight chuckle left Ritsu's mouth. The usual greeting, as expected from the one whose title is 'cynical prince.'

Arashi's greeting was a lot friendlier, and Ritsu quickly started to regret not visiting them more often. No matter what transpired between them, Knights were still Knights. They were his family.

"Secchan~ Is that how you greet a long-lost friend?" Ritsu teased as he leaned against his shoulder, playfully nudging him with his arm. The grumpy idol let out a loud sigh and brushed him away, clearly concentrated on fixing up his makeup before the live.

"Don't touch me. And what do you mean, 'long-lost?' It's only been a couple weeks, that's less of your laziness to put up with." Ritsu showed him a pout as he was quickly denied and made to stand aside, leaving him to mope to himself. He heard another sigh come from Izumi as he barked at him to get ready. Ritsu pulled up a chair for himself as he slumped onto the table, too lazy to lift up his own head. _Work Secchan is as serious as ever~_ he thought as he stared blankly out at the mirror before him. His condition was even worse than he remembered it. Dark bags around his eyes, skin that had become even paler after not going outside for weeks—he looked like he was dangerously sick. He could only hope that the magic of makeup would fix up his tattered skin.

"Ritsu-chan~ Don't just sit there and mope! Goodness, do I have to do yours as well?" Arashi spoke as soon as Ritsu's head was on the table. The sleepy vampire let out a groan, but he put in enough effort to prop himself up, leaning back against the chair until it was nearly toppling over. His half-closed eyes met with Arashi's, who looked both concerned and slightly annoyed at him.

"Oh dear...Your complexion looks awful~! Even I'll give you a scolding if you take such bad care of yourself, you know?" He moved his makeup over from Izumi to Ritsu's side, telling him to look up so that he can begin working on fixing up his appearance. As Arashi continued to nag him, Ritsu took a glimpse at Izumi, who was still glaring at him. _Secchan looks grumpier than usual..._

"Where's Ousama?" Ritsu asked. A brief moment of silence passed between them before Izumi answered.

"He ran away again." That was enough to silence both Ritsu and Arashi. Although Arashi pretended not to be bothered by it, it was clearly something that worried him, too. But seeing as this was one of those things that no one talked about, Ritsu kept quiet. He wanted to ask why, or how he knew for sure, but it was pointless to bring it up. Knowing how badly it affected Izumi the last time their leader disappeared, it would be careless of him to press the matter any further.

 _This is my fault, huh..._ Ritsu concluded, eyes cast at the floor. There wasn't any reason for him to leave, but now that the Knights who were once together had started to come apart, they were left without a king. It really was like the beginning of the year again.

The uncomfortable silence was interrupted by the opening of the door. The voice he wished not to hear resounded in his ears, and Ritsu's attention instinctively turned towards the direction of the sound. The younger idol froze in place the moment their eyes met. His large, purple eyes grew even bigger as his mouth turned into a small 'o' shape. He seemed to regain his composure in just a moment, quickly averting his gaze from the one he least wanted to see.

"My apologies for my late arrival," he began, placing his bag down by the chair next to Izumi. "I had to attend a mandatory family excursion the weekend prior, and my flight only recently came in a few hours ago. Please pardon me if I appear a little frazzled; I shall make up for it up on _stage_."

He endured a scolding from Izumi as he quickly sorted through his bag, only to bring out a water bottle and take a quick swig of his water before turning back to the rest of the group.

"Is everyone ready? I shall be dressed in just a minute. If we have some extra time, I strongly advise that we perform a few practice runs to make sure everyone is prepared♪" He didn't expect Izumi to reach out and aggressively tug at his cheek, garnering an annoyed protest from the other.

"Huuh~? _You're_ the one arriving late, and _you're_ telling us what to do?" he snapped, letting go of his cheek for a moment to shoot him a glare. "That's so~ annoying, you know? The live is in a half an hour, there's no time for that. Get dressed and put on your makeup, you shitty brat."

Tsukasa had enough time to mutter a confused 'Eh?' before the menacing looks from both Izumi and Arashi sent him the message to hurry up. Quickly snatching up his clothes off the hangers, he noticed that there was an extra set off to the side. No, not an extra set—it was their leader's. However, no one had heard anything from him since the day Tsukasa came back; he was there only for a few more days, popping in and out and leaving as he pleased. But after enough meetings, he was nowhere to be found.

"Is _Leader_ truly planning on skipping out on our _live_?" Tsukasa asked, too annoyed at his childish tendencies to run away at any given opportunity to think through what he was saying until it was too late. His mouth had already started to run.

"Kuaaa, how can he be so careless...! He is our _leader_ is he not?! There are only so few _lives_ left this year, so at the very least he can offer the _support_. Do his infantile antics know no bounds?" His irritated expression met that of Izumi's, and the cold glower that he showed him sent a shiver down his back. He didn't dare to keep talking. Folding the clothes over his arm, he excused himself to the changing room before Izumi could open his mouth to talk.

Ritsu let out another sigh. Both from relief that Tsukasa was out of the room and from being rather exhausted. It wasn't just the lack of sleep that was getting to him; everyone was feeling the tension in the room, and it was like poking at a balloon repeatedly until it inevitably burst.

The few moments of enjoyment he got from coming back were instantly bereft of him. He was quickly reminded of why he stopped showing up. That was probably why Leo stopped coming by as well...Which in turn only made it worse for the rest of them, especially Izumi, who had known him the longest.

Now it was only a matter of time until the timer of the bomb dropped to zero.

* * *

The crowds of people cheering, the lights shining down from the ceiling—it was finally their time to show everyone what Knights was really about. Ritsu was relieved to see that the others somehow manage to compose themselves as soon as they stepped up on stage. All their troubles were temporarily tossed to the side as something more important appeared before them.

Ritsu had an audience to impress, and he wasn't about to let them down. It was nearing nighttime, after all, so his energy was slowly coming back to him. They danced across the stage, rotating from one side of the platform to another through elegant footwork to navigate a podium of stairs. No one could tell they hadn't practiced together. Their singing, their dancing, the overall performance—their experience as a powerhouse unit really shone through. Everything was going just fine.

For Ritsu, anyway. He stayed in tune with the beat of the music, trying to match with both Arashi and Izumi's pacing to give off the illusion that they'd been practicing together. Everything seemed to be going well. They'd rotate positions, not a single one of them missing a step.

Until Tsukasa was beside him. He hadn't been paying attention to where he was and had tried only to focus on the other two, so seeing him pop up out of nowhere was not something he was particularly fond of. Tsukasa must have only realized at that very moment as well because his eyes narrowed when he caught Ritsu's gaze. Ritsu tried not to let any discomfort show; after all, they were on stage in front of a crowd of people. He couldn't let personal differences come in the way of his performance. He'd been doing this for long enough not to let anything affect him.

However, that wasn't the same for Tsukasa. He evidently missed a step, faltering for a moment before catching up with the rest of them. Ritsu glanced over when he spotted the slight stumble in his step from the corner of his eye.

But that was a mistake. The second Tsukasa caught his gaze, his face paled, and he lost balance once more. He staggered to the side, not realizing that there was nothing else left under his feet until it was too late. In a moment's notice, his foot slipped off the side of the podium, and his own weight was tugging him to the ground.

Ritsu spotted the unsteady teetering of his feet. His eyes followed his foot as it steadily slid closer to the edge, but for some reason no words came out. His arm paused by his side, as if contemplating whether or not to reach out and offer aid.

Why did he hesitate? Ritsu regretted it the moment he saw Tsukasa stumble, falling helplessly off the side of the stage. He couldn't even do so much as call out his name as the young idol tumbled to the ground.

"Kasa-kun?!" Izumi's voice boomed over the collective gasps of the crowd. He heard the clang of feet against the stairs as he quickly followed suit along with Arashi as they arrived by his side. Ritsu joined them moments later, hopping off the side of the podium and approaching the groaning idol who was using the arms of his seniors to prop himself up.

Since it had only been a few feet, if that, he didn't look like he was seriously injured. Regardless, Tsukasa looked rattled. His legs quivered as the other two had to lever him to his feet. Meanwhile, Izumi was eerily silent, with a deadly look signaling disaster. Sensing the growing tension, he knew they had to do anything, anything to get them out of this situation they were in. Luckily Arashi was quick to act and turned to the wide-eyed audience, sincerely apologizing for having to cut the performance short before turning back to the rest of them, tilting his head in the direction of where they had been preparing.

Ritsu's eyes locked with Tsukasa's once more. The frightened eyes stared back at him. He wasn't sure if he was more shaken up by the fall or from seeing Ritsu this close. Either way, he was roughly dragged away by Izumi before anyone else could say something on the matter.

* * *

Ritsu joined them last, relieved to be away from the uproar of the crowd. Just as he thought he could slip into a chair and let everything calm down for a bit, the bomb had reached zero.

Everyone was too quiet. Arashi seemed concerned over Tsukasa, but he assured him that he was fine. The look of utter embarrassment and shock on his face was etched into his features. The shame rendered him speechless, but he knew he had to say something. There was no way he could ever live this down, especially if he didn't properly apologize for this catastrophe.

"I...I am truly ashamed of being so careless," he spoke, his head turned to face the ground. His hands clenched into fists. "I have disgraced both Knights and my family name. It is inexcusable, and for that I will carry this humiliation with me to my grave. I have never felt more chagrined to bring such a burden upon my seniors. Please allow this Tsukasa Suou to repent..."

Ritsu and Arashi both stared in disbelief as he knelt to his knees, lowering his head before Izumi, who continued to look away. His entire body was trembling. It was clear that he didn't want to be doing this, but it was all he could do to show how ashamed he truly was for causing such a scene. In front of their fans, no less. It would haunt him for the rest of the time he was alive.

Slowly, Izumi turned back around. He had been so quiet up until now that the slightest movement put all three of them on high alert. The moment his head turned in Tsukasa's direction, the younger idol felt his entire body freeze. He made the mistake of looking up to see if he was staring his way. The unforgiving, petrifying glower he gave him froze him in place. As the model towered over him, he knew he was in for a bad time.

"What the hell was that, huuuh?" Izumi snapped, a deadly tone in his voice. A sinister smile crept to his face, and all of Tsukasa's muscles stiffened like he was bracing for something painful. The same, sadistic look that Ritsu had on the night they broke up.

Tsukasa kept his lips tightly pressed together, worried he'll let out an undignified whimper. Every bone in his body told him to make a run for it, but he couldn't run away. No matter how much it scared him, he would stand his ground and take responsibility for the trouble he caused.

"What were you doing so far to the edge, huh?! Didn't I tell you to practice your balance?! You shitty brat, how many more problems are you going to give for us to deal with?"

"It was certainly not intentional," Tsukasa hesitantly began, locking eyes with his senior and somehow maintaining a calm tone despite the rush of emotions he was feeling. "I terribly regret being so thoughtless on _stage_. I am chagrined to such a degree that I cannot do much more than offer nothing but my best henceforth. I did not prepare nearly as much as I could have, and for that, I have once more made a mistake fitting of a novice."

The more he talked, the more and more irritated Izumi started to appear. Every muscle on his face was twitching. His eyebrows were narrowed so far down that it was sure to leave a permanent scowl on his face.

Ritsu saw it coming from a mile away, but what could he do? Even if he said something now, he couldn't find the right words to mend the situation. They waited too long to resolve their conflicts, and now everything was spilling out before them. He wondered if there was a way he could slip out the door and leave without them noticing.

"Sooo annoying, you think a couple words will solve something?" Izumi snapped, garnering a gasp out of everyone in the room when he roughly pressed his foot against the top of Tsukasa's head, earning a muffled yelp from the other.

"Izumi-chan, stop that...!" Arashi's voice was cut short as Izumi's voice grew louder.

"You think a simple apology will fix this mess you made, huh?" The heel of his shoe dug deeper into his skull. "You a~lways do this. Going around and messing things up for us, then acting like you can make things better. Getting into trouble all the time, it's such a pain, you know?"

"It would be impertinent of me not to apologize...Nngh, Sena-senpai, please remove your foot from my head! Such extreme measures are unnecessary to prove a point—"

"Augh, sooo annoying! Is that all you're good for, huh? Apologizing?" He pressed Tsukasa's head into the ground, earning a pained groan from the other as Izumi's shoe stationed him in place. His cheek pressed against the cold floor. Izumi's booming voice could easily be heard from outside of the room.

"Will an apology be enough to bring back Leo-kun?!" Izumi roared, his rage fueling him deeper into a situation he could no longer back out of. Ritsu glanced over at Arashi in disbelief. He looked like he was about to do something, but this was Izumi, not some random stranger. He was one of their important members in Knights. Someone who had revealed both his good and bad sides throughout the year, breaking that icy exterior to show something a lot more fragile underneath. They've seen him break before, but never to the extent where he'd so easily hurt someone he cared about. This wasn't like the Izumi they knew, and someone had to stop him.

"Secchan...!" Before he could realize what he was getting himself into, Ritsu cried out his name. His call was ignored as he continued to yell at Tsukasa, not hearing anything else around him. Feet moving on his own, he hopped up from his chair. Shooting him an equally dangerous glare, Ritsu grasped onto Izumi's arm, effectively tugging him off the shaking idol.

"Secchan, that's enough..." he quietly warned. But the last strand of self-restraint had long left his system. After having kept everything to himself, it all started to overflow. Ritsu had enough time to utter a surprised, 'Ah?' before Izumi tugged at his collar, lifting him up a couple inches into the air. Before he could register what he was doing, his hands tightly clenched around his neck, digging into his soft skin. His thumbs punctured into him, blocking off any pathway to his lungs. Unable to speak, Ritsu stared back at him in horror. He squirmed in his grasp, attempting to find a way to bite and claw at him but getting no results.

"This is all your fault, Kuma-kun." Ritsu continued to squirm. Garbled noises were all that came out. Izumi looked right through him, his icy eyes lacking of any remorse. "Why did you have to go and do that to Kasa-kun, huh?!"

The grip around his neck tightened until Ritsu could no longer see what was in front of him. Black spots lined his vision. His nails dug into the hands that were holding him up, sinking deep enough to draw blood. But that wasn't enough to even make him flinch. It was like he was in a completely different place, utterly unaware of what he was doing to his own unit member. _Let go...!_ he wanted to shout, but no words could come out.

"What did you have to do that for?!" Ritsu felt his vision go black for the split moment that Izumi shook him, causing all his surroundings to swirl. He could faintly make out voices in the background. It wasn't long until his back hit the floor, and he broke out into a coughing fit to regain the oxygen he had lost.

Still gasping for air, his vision began to clear as his surroundings came back into view. He unsteadily propped himself up on his shaking arms, and his eyes caught a glimpse of the gray-haired idol with Arashi tugging at him and telling him to stop. He brushed the other off him and stormed out the door, but Arashi was quick to follow suit and ran after him before he could get away.

The door slammed shut, leaving the remaining two to sit in silence as Ritsu struggled to catch his breath. One hand was raised to his neck, running over the marks that lined his skin. His eyes remained fixated at the ground but on nothing in particular.

 _I broke Secchan,_ was the one thought that repeatedly ran through his mind, like a broken record player. First Tsukasa, now Izumi. Was there really no end to the harm he'd cause to his own unit?

This was too much. He didn't want to be here anymore, but he didn't have the energy to move. All he wanted to do was sleep. To sleep until all his problems went away. He felt more tired than ever, like all the life had gotten sucked right out of him. He curled his legs inward as he folded his arms around them, clutching them to his chest. He buried his head in his legs, embracing the illusion of solitude he gained from the darkness that enveloped his vision.

"Nn..." A pained sound still left from between his closed lips. His grip on his legs tightened, grasping at his pants and creating large creases down the fabric. He wasn't sure how long he had remained in that position, but it couldn't have been long. He heard movement in the background, and for a moment he thought the other had left. However, when the sound of the closing door never reached his ears, he hesitantly lifted up his head.

A trembling hand was stretched towards him. Although every feature in his face read that he was terrified, he continued to hold his hand out, waiting for Ritsu to accept it. Looking up his arm, there were small red marks still slightly visible beneath layers of makeup. It was the very arm Ritsu bit into.

"...Ritsu-senpai." The name he hadn't heard in so long. Ritsu stared up at him dubiously, wondering if he was really offering his hand out to him. To the person he surely resented more than anyone.

The call of his name seemed to snap him out of his daze, and Ritsu took hold of his hand. The familiar touch made him both relieved yet melancholy. Like he was desperately grasping onto what was left of what they used to have.

Even when Ritsu was back up on his feet, neither of them said a word. They kept glancing from the ground to each other, only to quickly avert their eyes and look elsewhere instead. Tsukasa looked like he was about to say something, but his mouth shut as quickly as it had opened. A good minute of silence passed before either of them could voice anything they had to say. There was so much Ritsu wanted to talk about that it was all becoming jumbled up in his brain. What slipped out was something he'd been meaning to bring up since the moment he saw him lying on the ground. Where it was like he'd been torn apart by a monster. The beautiful figure of the person he loved mangled into one, grotesque mess.

Though he could barely make them out, his hoarse voice managed to croak out the word he'd been holding onto since that day.

"...Sorry." Once he was able to speak, the words began to pour out. "I'm sorry, Su~chan..." His eyes remained cast at the ground, his head turned to the side. He bit his lips in anticipation for how he might respond. He didn't expect him to forgive him by any means. Just as Ritsu found it difficult to forgive him for breaking his promise. But he needed to say it anyway. The words that had remained lodged in his throat.

The silence felt like an eternity's worth. Tsukasa might as well have walked off. The suspense was killing him, and Ritsu knew he couldn't avoid his gaze forever. Preparing for the worst, he steadily lifted his head until his eyes met with his.

He had expected him to be angry, shocked, disgusted—it would have been painful, but he could endure it. Even if he started to yell at him again, he was too tired to get angry anymore. Whatever he had to say, there was nothing he couldn't take.

Except nothing was enough to prepare him for this. When he glanced back over at his face, his eyebrows were knitted like he was annoyed, but the rest of his face looked a lot more depressing. It was like every part of him was struggling to keep together. His hands were clenched but still trembling slightly, his feet stood firm but one wrong move and he could fall back down to his knees. Although it seemed like he was biting his lip to keep from letting out any sound, he was unable to conceal the tears that slid down the sides of his face.

When Ritsu saw him in that state, he was at a loss for what to do. Tsukasa's blurry eyes stared back at him. No matter how much he resented that he broke his promise, he hated to admit that he still really cared for him. Seeing him like this was nothing less of painful, and his instinctive thought was to pull him close, tell him it's alright now, they don't have to keep fighting anymore.

But even as his foot moved slightly closer, he stopped himself before he could do anything rash. The slightest movement made Tsukasa flinch, and his foot inched back just as much. The suspecting look in his eyes told Ritsu he didn't trust him anywhere close to him.

"...I, should also..." Tsukasa managed, trying to keep his voice in tact despite the unsteady wavering in his tone. "...Although as Sena-senpai said, apologies are apparently meaningless so perhaps you will find this pointless. However, I must apologize for the way I behaved on...that day. I was foolish to let myself become so carried away...I regret to have ended things in such a violent manner."

"I..." He paused to clear his throat, turning his head to face away from Ritsu. Even though it was impolite of him not to look at the person he was talking to, he didn't wish to present the tears that had begun to stream down his face.

"I realized later the _error_ of my ways. Although I did not consider it anything more than a romantic saying, my promise to you was of much greater importance to you than I ever considered. It is only after such a _catastrophe_ that I have reached this conclusion...Perhaps it is asking too much if I request your forgiveness, but this has gone on too long." His attention shifted from the ground to the door, the booming of Izumi's voice still ringing in his ears. "Our _feud_ has caused more detrimental harm to that of Knights that I thought imaginable. I...I cannot stand by and watch our unit crumble before my eyes."

He excused himself for a moment to turn around, wiping away the tears that had started to cascade down before turning back to face Ritsu. Ritsu could still distinguish the tint of red in his eyes. It looked like he might start crying again any moment, and he was trying his best to hold it in. For someone who acted so much like their situation didn't bother him, Tsukasa must have been suffering just as much as he was. Only he knew how to mask his pain.

"Ritsu-senpai. I am afraid I cannot do this alone, so if I may be so bold and ask for your assistance..." He took a long breath, a determined expression quickly sweeping across his features. "Please help me save Knights."

"...Mhm. But, that's not something you have to tell me." A weak smile somehow found its way onto Ritsu's face. "Knights...is best when it's the five of us, after all~"

Tsukasa returned his answer with an immediate smile. Not one that was fabricated and sewn on, but one that was genuine and heartfelt. That one change in his expression made Ritsu realize how much he missed being around him, and how much he wished to have been able to protect that smile.

He couldn't be more grateful to have a second chance. If they lost Knights for good, would Tsukasa even be able to smile like that again? The thought of losing something that precious devastated him.

They would succeed in their mission to reform Knights no matter the cost. Even if that meant he'd have to drag his unit members back kicking and screaming.

"...Su~chan," Ritsu called, stopping the other as he excused himself to head off. His curious round eyes looked back with a hint of worry.

"Yes? What is the matter, Ritsu-senpai?"

"...Are you alright?" Tsukasa was at a crossroads. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He contemplated what to say, not sure if Ritsu meant anything in particular when he asked that but suddenly feeling overwhelmed just the same. Was it for what he did to him? Or his fall during their live? Or what Izumi did not too long ago?

Or maybe it was for right now, where he was staring up at Ritsu with tears running down his face without knowing the reason why. With a quiet 'Ah,' Tsukasa realized that must be why his senior was giving him such a worried glance. He excused himself to wipe them away with a handkerchief fished up from his pocket, but the more he rubbed his eyes, the more came out. He wasn't sure what prompted it, but the tears became impossible to stop.

"I...I am not sure why..." he choked, unable to hide the crumbling tone in his voice as every syllable was broken up into uneven bits. Ritsu suddenly regretted bringing it up. He looked hesitant, like he was considering something but had no way of knowing whether or not it would work. After much deliberation, he took one step forward, then another, then another—until he was merely inches from the other. The younger idol's watery eyes looked back up at him as the rest of his body remained frozen in place. Ritsu could spot the other flinch as he came closer, drawing his shaking body to his chest.

"...We'll make it work, okay?" Ritsu quietly spoke. Although Tsukasa was still tensed up and unmoving, he gently held his head against his shoulder as he reassured him through a soothing whisper. "For Knights. They're important to me, too...You, Nacchan, Secchan, and Ousama...It wouldn't be Knights without the five of us. Even if we make a bit of a mess, we're reeeal stubborn~ Something like this won't be enough to break us apart, if we act fast enough...So, let's do it. Let's save Knights."

Ritsu wasn't sure what part of his speech encouraged it, but somewhere along the way, Tsukasa's stiffened figure learned how to relax. His arms dropped by his side and hung there listlessly until Ritsu had finished talking. Thinking that Tsukasa probably wanted him to let go, Ritsu's arms around him loosened, but before he could back away, the arms at Tsukasa's sides became wrapped around the other. They squeezed him back just as tightly as Ritsu had done before. With his head buried into his shoulder, muffled sobs filled the silence.

Ritsu held onto him just as closely, wishing he could remain like this forever. The comfortable warmth of his body and that of his hold made Ritsu wish he could have this back. The reassuring comfort that made it seem like everything was going to be okay.

He wished there was a way he could erase all their problems and all their past mistakes so they could start anew.

 


	5. Reunited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally back~ As a way to make up for taking so long, I've been working on a little something. I'll be uploading it in the next few days, so stayed tuned~
> 
> It's 4:30 am and I need sleep. Thanks for reading!

Seeing as it was risky to leave things be as they left off, Tsukasa proposed that they go speak to his other members before it spiraled too far out of control—or at least, any more than it had already.  While Ritsu was hesitant on the matter and figured Izumi would rather have time to himself right now, it was no doubt he might try something reckless. He was never the best when it came to making on-the-spot decisions.

"Mm...Nacchan should have it covered, right...?"  Ritsu asked, staring down at his phone, wondering if he should send a message or call to check up on the situation.  Tsukasa seemed to be doing the same, appearing rather fixated on the screen in front of him as he shook his head.

"Apparently not.  I messaged Narukami-senpai earlier, and it seems that Sena-senpai somehow evaded his grasp...To borrow his words, 'Izumi-chan ran off when I tried to speak with him.  He doesn't look like he's doing so great, I wonder if it's okay to leave him like this...'" He let out a sigh. "So it seems that we are stuck in a predicament. We might just anger Sena-senpai if we chase after him, but I do not trust him to be making sound-of-mind decisions in his current state."

"...Any clue where he went?"

"Hm...I shall ask. Ah–" His hand froze in place, hovering over the letters as the quiet 'ping' of a new message stopped him in his tracks.  He wore a focused look, and Ritsu wondered if he'd forgotten that he was there as he proceeded to silently type up a reply. He steadily swayed from one side to another as he waited.

"...Su~chan," he eventually spoke, earning him a surprised look from the other, as if completely oblivious to his surroundings.  "What's so interesting~?"

Tsukasa glanced back from his phone to Ritsu, a troubled look cast upon his face.  He appeared to be contemplating telling him something. _It must be about me_ , Ritsu concluded, figuring there was no other reason for him to be hesitating like this.  Sure enough, his curiosity was answered soon enough.

"Ah, my apologies.  I received another text from Narukami-senpai...regarding our situation.  I am not sure how much you told the others, and while this is a bit belated, please keep anything relating to our relationship a secret..." He let out another sigh as he shook his head.  "Forgive me. I seemed to have gone off on another lecture. The message was merely asking if I was alright, being left here with you."

He didn't realize how he made it sound until he spotted the displeased look on Ritsu's face.  His round eyes grew even larger as he attempted to quickly correct his wording, but Ritsu spoke up before he could.  He was back to his usual, impassive state.

"I didn't tell them much...only that I didn't want to talk to you anymore.  They filled in the rest."

"I-I see..."  Before the air between them could get any more uncomfortable, Ritsu spoke up again.

"But...I don't mind talking to you now.  It's gone on too long, so...it's better like this." He wasn't the best at forming what he wanted to convey, but luckily Tsukasa seemed to get the message.  He showed a slight smile.

Ritsu didn't realize just how much of a relief it was to be able to talk to Tsukasa again.  Talk, and not argue, or yell, or say something and have it be taken the wrong way. It reminded him of when they first started dating, up until a couple months ago before everything started to escalate.  When Tsukasa started taking on more work and pushed Ritsu away so that he could focus. Even when they argued, it would never escalate to anything extreme. They were both rather stubborn, Ritsu knew. But that stubbornness never went so far as to tear them apart so violently as it had done.

Lost in thought, Ritsu stared off towards the ground.  His attention was redirected to Tsukasa when he called out his name, and a surprised 'Ah' left his lips followed with an apology.  Tsukasa returned his apology with a sheepish chuckle.

"It's alright.  There is a lot to think about.  I, too, feel the same way. While it may be difficult at first, I do wish to continue talking to you, Ritsu-senpai.  The way we used to, before..." His words trailed off, and he showed a troubled expression for a moment before it vanished.  "What I mean to say is, while it is rather sudden for the both of us, our fellow _comrades_ require our assistance.  It would be wise to discuss what to do henceforth.   _Leader_ is missing, but I can track down his address and check in with his family to determine if he is at home."

"Fufu, detective Su~chan, how sneaky...♪"

"Ritsu-senpai, please take this matter seriously."  Tsukasa cast him a quizzical glance when he caught Ritsu smiling.   _The usual Su~chan is back_ , Ritsu thought.

He cleared his throat before continuing, seeing as how Ritsu wasn't going to add onto his remark.

"As for Sena-senpai, I have mentioned earlier, but I am afraid to admit that we have arrived at a crossroads.  He is clearly not fit to be on his own, yet it would be _dangerous_ to approach him."

Ritsu let a quiet 'Hm...' resound from between his closed lips before he steadily rose to his feet.  Tsukasa’s eyes, full of curiosity, followed his movements as he turned towards the door. Appearing confused, he stood up with him.

"...I'll talk to Secchan," he explained.  His unexpected response sent Tsukasa's face through a wave of different emotions: from surprise, to relief, to disbelief all in a frame of a few seconds.

"He might try to do something stupid again..." Ritsu quickly added on before Tsukasa could retort.  His eyes were cast at the doorknob. "So someone has to talk some sense into him, right...? I'm his comrade–no, his friend–so it's my turn to act like a real 'knight'..."

His fingers ran across the bruises along his neck.  There was a risk involved, without a doubt. But that didn't matter to him.  If he was the one who caused him this amount of pain in the first place, it was his job to rectify it, right?  He wasn't quite sure, but it was the least he could do to make things right. Even if it was too late.

"...I'll talk to Secchan, and you talk to Ousama.  That's the plan," Ritsu stated, bringing his attention back to the idol standing beside him.  An affirmative nod was all he needed.

They were going to bring back Knights.  No matter what. Just as Tsukasa said, he also couldn't stand by and watch as his unit crumbled before him.  It happened before, and he merely sat back and stared as the once-powerful unit that reached out to him was torn to pieces.  He wasn't about to let that happen again.

* * *

He must have searched every nook and cranny, but Izumi was nowhere to be found.  From the school, to his house, and asking anyone who may have seen him. It was like he suddenly disappeared off the radar.

He was about to give up when Tsukasa messaged him saying that he had a clue regarding Izumi’s whereabouts. He'd managed to successfully come in contact with Leo, even though it took a lot of convincing to be let inside to speak with him. Tsukasa didn't provide any details regarding his condition, but it couldn't have been good.

At the very least, Tsukasa was able to get more information regarding where Izumi might have gone, and after inputting the address into his phone, Ritsu was off. It wasn't far from where he was, so it only took a bit of walking until he spotted the familiar silver-haired idol perched atop a rock overlooking the ocean. As he got closer, he noticed that his clothes were soaked and his hair had beads of water steadily dripping off the strands.

“Out for a swim~?” Ritsu chimed as he cautiously approached him, keeping one eye on his movement as he sat by a lower slab of rock resting just above the ocean. The sea waves occasionally collided with the rock strong enough to send splashes of water his way, but the droplets seemed to evaporate within a few seconds.

He still didn't respond even once Ritsu was settled down beside him. Gusts of wind blew at his hair, sending his normally perfectly combed locks into disarray. His expressionless gaze did not waver. It was like he couldn't even hear him—like he was peering into a world that only he could see.

“...Secchan. Hey~” Ritsu waved his hand out before him. Still no response. A pout formed across his face, accompanied with an annoyed whine.

“...What do you want?” The voice that was normally full of vigor and cynical retort was oddly quiet.

“I came to check on you…Shouldn't you be shouting things like, ‘You're being sooo annoying!’ or ‘You were stupid to worry about me, idiot~’ or something like that…”

He was met with more silence. Tilting his head to the side, Ritsu slid slightly closer.  After peering up at him long enough, he earned a scowl from the other before he turned his head.  That didn't stop Ritsu from staring.

“...Seccha--”

“Wha~t?  Quit staring at me, it's sooo annoying!” He didn't catch his words until he turned back to glare at Ritsu, who had a carefree grin plastered across his face.

“You're back~  Earth to Secchan♪” His response received a loud sigh.  Even if he was clearly annoyed, at the least he was able to get him to talk.

However, before Ritsu could label it as a success, that same washed away look was back across the other idol’s face.  He thought he'd lost him again until he opened his mouth.

“What do you want?”  The answer was simple; he wanted him to come back, to return to Knights before they fell apart by the seams.  But getting him to agree would be no simple task.

"...Don't leave," Ritsu said.  Izumi's eyebrows furrowed, that irritated look never fading.  He let out a sigh, turning his attention back towards the ocean.

"Hmph.  Telling me what to do, it's sooo annoying.  This is all your fault, you know?"

"...Mhm.  I know." _At least Secchan went back to normal..._ Ritsu thought.  Now the tricky part was actually convincing him to meet back with everyone else.  Ritsu knew he wasn't the most cut out for this job, but it was up to him to talk some sense into him—something he couldn't afford to fail.

Ritsu winced when water splashed in his eyes.  With some grumbling, he moved further back on the rock, drawing his legs closer together to keep from getting wet.  The waves were even stronger today; there was no logical reason why the other should be going for a swim. It shouldn't even be possible.

As he glanced back at his drenched clothes and the water that continued to drip from his hair, he wondered if he had different intentions.

"...We're worried about you, Secchan," he finally spoke.  Izumi remained silent. He continued to stare out at the waves, seemingly looking through them.

"What happened to Knights keeping everything to themselves?" he asked, his voice monotone.  "It's easier that way. No one has to know anything they don't want to."

"...Mhm, it's kind of a pain sometimes, but...isn't it better this way?  The way Ousama wanted." At the mention of Leo's name, Izumi's angry facade faltered.  In the mere moment that his expression changed, Ritsu knew what was going to get his attention.

It was going to be tricky, but if he played his cards right, he might just be able to keep his attention hooked for longer.  Izumi was quick to change his temperament, so he wouldn't have many chances if he decided he was done talking to him.

"You think _this_ is what Ousama wanted?" he barked, redirecting his attention to him.  "Don't be an idiot, Kuma-kun."

"The idiot here is Secchan," Ritsu bluntly stated.  Cutting him off before he could retort, Ritsu hastily explained himself.

"Ousama ran away because you were being reckless.  ...But, you already know that, don't you? Just because Ousama disappeared doesn't mean you should, too.  That's not going to make anything better..."

He was met with silence.  Seeing as how he wasn't going to respond, Ritsu kept talking.

"I know I'm just as guilty.  We both did stupid things. But, isn't that the same with all of us in Knights?  No matter how bad it gets, Knights still stays together. Because we're a family...The family Ousama worked hard to create and bring together."

He looked back up at Izumi.  He wasn't quite sure if he was even listening to anything he was saying.  The pensive look he had on as he mindlessly stared ahead made him think that maybe he was still processing everything he said.  It was rare for him to turn so eerily silent.

As he waited for him to say something, Ritsu poked at the stray pebbles and bits of sand atop the rock.  He found one that looked flat enough, so with his arm arced backwards, he threw it with all his might—only to land with a sad 'plop' in the ocean.

"Ah," Ritsu said.  There was a bit of silence.

"...That only works in still water, idiot."  Ritsu went back to poking at the bits of rock, which only got him scolded by Izumi for dirtying his hands.  He lowered his legs and walked slightly closer to where he could dip his hands in the water. However, he took a step too close, right as a large wave hit the side of the rock, splashing saltwater directly into his face.

"Wah–"  He could taste the salty tinge of the water atop his tongue.  His eyes had gone shut, but he thought he could feel something on his hair.  When he regained his vision, he reached up towards the sudden intruder planting itself on his head.  It was nothing more than a stray bundle of seaweed. The way it looked reminded him a bit of the curls in Izumi's hair, and a mischievous idea entered his mind as he put it back on his head, then turned to the other with a playful grin.

"Look, I'm Secchan~" he chimed as he pointed to to himself.  He didn't have much time to mock him as another wave of water shot up towards his face.  He let out a disgruntled noise as he teetered back, half-choking on the water he'd accidentally swallowed.  He heard a sigh coming from near him, and not long after, his arm was grabbed and he felt himself being pulled back.

"I didn't think you could be any more of a moron, but you proved me wrong.  You've reached the level of complete dumbass," Izumi said as he removed any bits of seaweed still lodged in the other idol's hair.  Ritsu opened his eyes to peer back at him with the same carefree grin.

"Fufu, an upgrade♪"

"That's not a compliment, idiot Kuma-kun." 

Ritsu let out a chuckle before perching back atop the rock.  Now his hair was just as dripping wet, and the cold wind stung at his face.  He'd rather not be here for too much longer, but Izumi still seemed intent on staying.

That's what he thought, anyway, until the model steadily rose to his feet.  Ritsu followed his movements as he jumped down, feet sending up a cloud of sand as he landed.  He cast him an indifferent look, but that was all Ritsu needed to follow his lead.

As he started walking down the coastline, Ritsu followed beside him, keeping an appropriate distance to make sure he didn't irritate him further.  His shoes sunk into the sand, making imprints across the surface. It was a windy day, not to mention a weekday, so not many people lined the beach.  Bits of litter could be found in the crevices between rocks, but it was an otherwise desolate beach. It felt kind of lonely.

"...It's pointless trying to talk to Ousama," Izumi began.  Ritsu was surprised to hear him suddenly start speaking, so he kept quiet and waited for him to add on.

"He won't listen to a word you say.  It's such a pain, and he's basically a lost cause.  If he decides he no longer wants to come back, there's nothing we can do.  If he's broken, leave him. Nothing we'll do will fix him."

"But you want him to come back, don't you...?" Ritsu asked, seeing how Izumi appeared to be done talking.  "And I think you're forgetting our most stubborn member...He wouldn't let Ousama run away so easily."

"You mean Kasa-kun?" he asked in disbelief.  "What, are you two talking again?"

"...Mhm.  Somewhat."  He couldn't exactly say everything was fine now, but at the very least, they were able to work together.  It would take some time before they mended things between them.

"He's talking to Ousama right now," Ritsu explained.  He kicked into a compressed can lying in their path, sending it flying with a mist of sand.

"...He's actually talking?"

"Apparently...He was able to get inside, anyway.  But, you know...Ousama won't come back unless the four of us are together first.  He's not a king without his men, after all~"

"There's no point.  Even when the four of us _were_ together, he didn't show his face.  Always talking about 'inspiration' and delusional things, then disappearing without a trace.  It's such a pain, you know?"

"You say it's a pain, but you want him back, don't you?  Then, let's get him back. But you have to come back with him.  So..." He took a pause, stopping in place to face him. The wind blew their hair into disarray, but it was the last thing either of them could be concerned with.  To counteract the ever-present scowl on Izumi's face, Ritsu smiled.

"Let's bring back Ousama...♪"  Izumi returned his enthusiasm with him an indifferent look.  After letting out another exasperated sigh, he finally gave in.

"...You're too energetic today, you know?  It's sooo annoying. If you think me coming back will change anything, then fine.  But you'll have to do one little thing for me first."

"Mhm, of course~  What is it...?"

"Tell everyone about what you did to Kasa-kun."  Ritsu's face darkened. He stared back at Izumi in disbelief.

"...Why?" Ritsu's voice came out low and grave.  He didn't intend to come off as threatening, but there were some things he wanted to keep hidden.  For Izumi to ask him to reveal everything that happened was completely irrational, especially when they were already in a state where their unit was falling apart.  If he told the rest of them that he was the cause for Tsukasa's trip to the hospital, wouldn't that only make matters worse?

"I'm tired of keeping secrets.  Tell Ousama what one of his men is capable of doing, then see if he still decides to stay.  Then we'll know whether or not this unit is meant to exist," Izumi harshly spoke. His words showed no remorse, and it was clear that he was at his wit's end.  It was as if he was contemplating even keeping Knights together at all.

Ritsu felt frozen in place.  There was no right answer here, but he still searched through his head to think through any alternatives.  If he told them the truth, it was highly likely they would fall apart for good. For a unit to disband this late into the year was unheard of.  However, if he _didn't_ comply with Izumi's request, the other would walk his own path, and their unit's future would be written.  His odds weren't good no matter how he looked at it.

His throat felt dry.  He had to give an answer soon, but all he could do was stare into the eyes of the idol who'd already given up.

* * *

Tsukasa stared at the listless person before him.  No matter how much of a fuss he made, he wouldn't respond to a thing he said.  He merely peered down at the crumpled papers laid across his desk, his room in disarray.  The sullen, dull eyes of his made him wonder if he even heard anything he said.

He'd never seen him in such a state.  The normally eccentric, childish person who he knew to be his leader was nowhere to be found.  In his place was an oddly silent, motionless figure. Not saying a word, only picking up his pen every several minutes to scribble nonsense onto a page before throwing it out.  It was like he couldn't hear anything around him.

His sister had called him in for dinner about a half an hour ago.  She had run up to Tsukasa, crying and pleading to bring his brother back to normal.  Unsure of what he could do to help, he tried to calm her down and later scolded Leo for worrying her so much.  However, no matter what he did, he couldn't get a single reaction out of him.

But he didn't want to give up.  He told him outright that he wasn't leaving until they could talk things through, even if that meant lecturing him for hours on end only to drag him back to the studio by force.

" _Leader_ , please do not let the food your mother cooked go cold," Tsukasa said, even though he was sure it was already too late.  His legs were getting uncomfortable after hours of sitting with them folded over, but there wasn't much space to stretch them out.  Everything around him was a mess. He couldn't imagine how he could live in such a pigsty.

He had to admit, he was also getting hungry himself.  His family was generous enough to offer him to stay for dinner, but he couldn't simply join them while Leo was still sulking here. 

He really hadn't budged an inch.  His head rested against the table, slowly tapping the end of his pen against the page, as if expecting it to write itself.  Crumpled up music scores were scattered all across the room. Tsukasa offered to turn on a light earlier, seeing as how it was getting dark and they were sitting here in his dimly lit room, the window curtains eternally shut.  What little light that was able to get through was all that illuminated the place.

The sudden ring of his phone made him jump.  Leo's eyes slowly followed the sound but otherwise showed no reaction.  Tsukasa excused himself as he stood up to take the call, walking over to the other end of the room.

"This is Tsukasa Suou speaking," he said.  Having picked up his phone in haste, he didn't even check the ID of the person who'd called.  His movements halted when he heard Ritsu's voice on the other line.

" _How's Ousama...?"_ Ritsu asked.  Tsukasa peered back at the lifeless figure by the table, still in the same position as he'd been in for the past few hours.

"I am afraid not well," he answered upon turning back around.  "No matter what I say to him, he is adamant on remaining quiet.  If I am being honest, I do not know if he is even listening to anything I have to say."

" _That bad, huh...?  Hm..."_

"My apologies.  I shall think of something.  Whatever the case, I will find a way to bring him back, even if that entails that I carry him all the way back to the Knights _studio_." He let out a sigh.  "How is your progress with Sena-senpai?"

He thought he lost connection when Ritsu didn't answer, so he pulled his phone from his ear to check if the call was still ongoing.  He brought it back when he heard a subtle sigh from the other line.

" _...I have a way to get him to agree."_

"Oh?   _Perfect!_ I am delighted to hear that you've made progress–"

" _But it's not something you'll like,"_ Ritsu interrupted, cutting him off before he could get too excited.  Before Tsukasa could ask what he meant, he spoke up again.

" _Just tell Ousama that Secchan is on board.  That might get him moving."_ Tsukasa nodded, but after a few moments of silence as the realization sunk in that Ritsu can't see him, he voiced his affirmation aloud.  Not long after, he ended the call and turned his attention back to the listless idol sprawled over the table.

He resumed his seat across from him.  The pen continued to tap methodically against the paper.

"Sena-senpai is with Ritsu-senpai right now," he cautiously spoke, eyeing his movements to see if he'd get any reaction.  "He is willing to reconcile and work with us to bring Knights together. However, we cannot do that without your help."

The pen stopped in place.  After all these hours of waiting, he finally spoke.

"Sena said that?"

"According to Ritsu-senpai, yes," Tsukasa answered, faltering briefly before he found the words.  He knew that if he didn't say anything more now, he would revert back to silence. " _Leader_ , it chagrins me to resort to something as desperate as begging, but please return to Knights.  It is almost the end of the year. _Graduation_ is drawing near.  What if the school holds you back because you stopped attending class and lives by the very end?  Your _attendance record_ is looking rather poor as it is.  Regardless of whether your songs are on the level of a _prodigy_ , the school will not hesitate to hold you back the same as they did to Ritsu-senpai."

"Rittsu..." he muttered.  The pen fell from his hand, and he watched as it rolled off the side of the table.  "Suo~, did something happen between you two?"

A surprised 'Eh?' left Tsukasa's mouth.  He wasn't sure what about their relationship piqued his interest, but now that he was talking, it didn't matter what the subject was.

"Ah, well..." Hesitation was evident in his voice.  "I assumed Ritsu-senpai already informed everyone. It was a while ago, but we had to part ways.  However, I can assure you that we are no longer fighting, so please ease your mind of any worries."

"...What's with that, Suo~?  I thought good children don't tell lies."  His odd tone caught me by surprise, but before I could say anything, his chilling words stopped me in place.  His dull, emerald eyes locked with mine.

"What _really_ happened?"  Tsukasa felt cold sweat running down his back.  His hands nervously rubbed against his knees. He pondered the possibility of Izumi telling him, but he couldn't imagine his senior letting anyone else know of something so gruesome.  There was no way he should know, right? It was preposterous.

"Ah, um..." Tsukasa fumbled for words.  He could hear the beating of his heart loud and clear, his eyes locked onto that of Leo's.  It was like looking into the eyes of a wild cat. Pinning him in place with merely a stare.

His one saving grace was the sound of the doorbell resonating throughout the house.  It cut through the silence like a knife. His attention perked up when he heard two familiar voices answering to Leo's sister. 

There was a knock on the bedroom door.  Tsukasa, still paralyzed by Leo's unmoving gaze, remained glued in place.

"Ousama, hey~  We're barging in..." At the sound of the door opening, Tsukasa immediately stood to his feet and turned to face the familiar idols, perhaps greeting them a little too enthusiastically.

"Ritsu-senpai, Sena-senpai!" he exclaimed.  He couldn't be more relieved to have them come in at this time.  Ritsu waved in return, answering with a cheery 'Yo~' while Izumi walked around him, dodging through the cluster of crumpled-up music scores.  His face immediately contorted into a scowl.

"Ugh, what a mess.  Every time this happens, this place turns into a garbage dump.  At least try to keep more organized, jeez!" He stopped to tower over Leo, sighing as he waved his hand like he simply didn't know what to do with him.  "You made your little sister cry again, didn't you? That's the absolute worst, you know?"

Leaving Izumi to his lectures, Ritsu and Tsukasa locked eyes.  The slightly shaken up look in Tsukasa's eyes told him that something must have happened, but it was definitely not pleasant.  In silent agreement, they moved across the room.

"Ritsu-senpai, I am afraid I do not know what to do with _Leader,_ " Tsukasa confessed.  He crossed his arms and dejectedly shook his head.  "I was able to pry some words out of him, but I am afraid not much."

"Maybe Secchan will have more luck...Hey, you okay...?"  Tsukasa gave him a confused look when Ritsu tilted his head, his eyebrows knit in worry.

"Ah, yes, I am alright," Tsukasa responded, not sure exactly what to say.  After a bit of pause, he added, "And yourself?"

"I'm fine...But you look like you’ve seen a ghost~  Did Ousama say something strange…?" Tsukasa's face paled the same way it had done when Leo asked him that question, instantly giving himself away.  However, before he could say anything, Ritsu shook his head and mumbled 'Never mind...' under his breath.

They rejoined with the other two, and Izumi informed them that Arashi was on the way.  The studio was too far for the rest of them, so it seemed more convenient to have a meeting here instead.  He made sure to check in with Leo's family first, and they were kind enough to offer them the dining room all to themselves.  They were told to eat as much of the food as they pleased—anything to get Leo to eat more.

Tsukasa's round eyes widened when Izumi silently took a stride towards him.  He wasn't sure whether to stay where he was or to take a step back and move out of his way, but Izumi made that decision for him.  His icy stare held him in place. He wasn't sure what to expect when his senior reached up to ruffle his hair.

"Augh?!  Sena-senpai, please refrain from so freely touching my hair," he grumbled, but that did not stop him.  He was surprised to see his expression soften.

"Does your head hurt?" he asked.

"Eh?  My head?"  Tsukasa's hands reached up to comb through his hair once Izumi's hand dropped.  He cast him an oblivious gaze. Izumi's eyebrows lowered the more Tsukasa waited to answer.  The younger idol was starting to look a little frazzled, and it took him a couple seconds before he declared a confident 'A-ha!' while bumping his fist against his open palm.  A blissfully unaware smile was scrawled across his face. Before he could have a chance to answer, Izumi spoke up for him, once again ruffling up his hair to annoy him.

"What, did I knock some of your brain cells from your head?  But I guess your thick skull would have protected you from that, huh?"  A playful smirk was back on his face. Ritsu couldn't help but smile a little bit to see the two of them back to normal.  He quickly found out that he made a grave mistake, however, the moment he found his cheek being pulled.

"Owww..." he groaned as Izumi began his lecture.

"Hey, just what are you smiling for, hu~h?"  Ritsu let out a pout when he let go of his cheek, one hand raised to rub the area he tugged at.

"Secchan's a bully~" he whined.  Izumi gave in with a sigh and gently ruffled up Ritsu's hair as well, but rather than getting him annoyed, Ritsu let out a small laugh.  That only made the other mess with his hair even more, but Ritsu merely teased him back by telling him to spoil him some more.

He looked like a disheveled mess by the end.  His hair stuck up on ends, but after combing through his hair on one side, he was too lazy to fix the rest and simply let it run free.  Tsukasa pulled out some candy and had unknowingly begun to eat them in front of Izumi, who merely scolded him some more and shook him around until hard candies spilled from his pockets.

So caught up in the ruckus, they neglected to pay any mind to Leo, merely a couple feet away.  He had remained so silent that it was easy to forget that he was even there.

The last time he visited them, the tension strung high in the air.  No one wanted to be there, and Ritsu was already gone. Everyone started doing things on their own.  No more working together or wanting to get better as a group—it was all for the sake of the individual.  Part of the reason he left Knights in the first place.

So when he saw the three of them playfully teasing each other, acting like friends and not strangers, something sparked inside of him. 

A loud, booming voice resounded throughout the room.

"Wahaha, my inspiration☆!  I can hear it now—Shh, nobody interrupt!  My new masterpiece is dancing its way across the page!"  With newfound vigor, his doll-like body was brought back to life.  The marker he'd dropped earlier was back in his hand, writing a mile a minute.  He hummed a tune as he scrawled lyrics across the page, not bothering to move in a straight line and circling through multiple papers as he led the melodies in his head guide him.

Everyone's attention turned to him the moment he opened his mouth.  Smiles lined their mouths, even Izumi’s, who stopped teasing the others to walk up to his leader and welcome him back.

_Everyone's back to normal~_ Ritsu thought, unable to wipe the grin from his lips.  He glanced over at Tsukasa, his eyes sparkling. He smiled back at him, beaming with victory.  They did it. By some miracle, Knights still had a future. Their king was back in one piece.

* * *

Once Arashi joined up with the rest of the group, they gathered around the dining table and dug in to the row of food prepared for them.  Even though it was just Tsukasa who was initially with them, his family must have cooked up more because some of the pots had food that was still piping hot. 

After scooping up some fried rice onto his plate, Ritsu's eyes locked with Izumi's from across the table.  It was that kind of glance where he knew he was trying to tell him something, and it was at that moment that Ritsu remembered their deal.

That he has to tell the others about what happened.

Gazing out at the other members, they still seemed to be in high spirits.  Leo was busy wolfing down his food with Tsukasa scolding him to behave in a more proper manner, while Arashi complained that Leo was making too much of a mess.  He looked back at Izumi.

His cold gaze told him all he needed to know.  Shifting about in his seat, Ritsu leaned forward into his palm.  It wasn't like he could abruptly announce something so dismal right after they'd gotten Leo back to his senses.  He sighed and stared down at his food.

"Ritsu-senpai, is something the matter?" Tsukasa asked from beside him.  Ritsu shook his head, although he was still contemplating what he should do.  He had hoped, just maybe, that Izumi would forget. Or perhaps he would come to realize that it was a risk not worth taking.  However, as it was something he agreed to, he wasn't about to go back on it.

"Actually, I have something I need to tell everyone..." he spoke, keeping his voice low so that only Tsukasa could hear.

"Yes, what about?" he asked, sounding worried.

"About what happened...I made a deal with Secchan.  To let the others know what I did...to you," he said, taking a pause to take a sip of his water.  "Sorry I couldn't ask you beforehand...You don't like others knowing about private things like that, right?  Can’t say I like it, either..."

Tsukasa looked appalled.  Which was to be expected, of course, but Ritsu still couldn't stand the idea of putting him through any more distress.  If this was something he was ardently against, he would have to talk to it at length with Izumi in private.

"...Alright," he answered, his stance resolute, much to Ritsu’s surprise.  He gave a slow nod to affirm his decision. "I cannot say I am particularly fond of the idea, but if that is the only way Sena-senpai will be content, then so be it.  However, it vexes me slightly. I do not see how such a notion will improve the current situation."

"That's what I told Secchan, but...He's not the best under pressure.  And it's my fault, anyway, so..." He let out an exhale before deciding he was going to announce his secret.  He could only hope that what he had to say won't break them apart.

Knights was being held together by the seams.  One wrong move and it was over. It could be his career as an idol, risk the future of the entire group, or even worse—his odds were looking rather slim, but it was something he had to do.

"Ah..." he started, clearing his throat to get everyone's attention.  Once all eyes were on him, he hesitantly began. Tsukasa had already turned his head downward, appearing occupied with what was on his plate but leaving it untouched.

It took him a little while to begin, but it was best that he bite the bullet and start talking now, or else nothing was going to get done.  They were confused when he brought up the incident from weeks ago, not understanding why he was referring to it now. However, the moment he told them that it was his fault that Tsukasa had gotten sent to the hospital, the faces of both Leo and Arashi darkened.

Ritsu hesitated.  He grit his teeth, his finger tapping against the table.  The guilt for what he did slowly began to seep back in, constricting his chest like barbed wire slowly growing around him, piercing into the depths of his chest.  Something he wished he didn't do, something he wished he didn't have to make Tsukasa remember. Before he could slip into any details, he was interrupted.

"That's enough, Kuma-kun."  The silver-haired model said with a sigh.  He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed. The more Ritsu spoke, the more it began to dawn on him that it really wasn't worth letting everyone else know.  The carefree atmosphere from earlier was steeped in something more dreadful; it was as if all the energy had been sucked from the room. The only sound that could be heard was the mechanic tick of the clock and the faraway voices of Leo's family. 

No one said a word, but the glances exchanged from across the room were loud enough.  Ritsu leaned back into his palm. His vacuous stare was fixated on nothing in particular.  This was his trial, wasn't it? His belated judgement. It wasn't as if Tsukasa was completely exempt from the guilt, either, but he decided to leave that part out.  It was Ritsu who made it escalate that far, after all—something he was well aware of. The entire incident was something he would rather have wiped from his memory.

"...Should I leave?" Ritsu quietly asked, eyes still focused on the tablecloth.  Before anyone else could speak, Tsukasa's voice cut through the tension.

"If I may be permitted to say one thing," he started as he stood from his seat, voice booming.  "I carry many regrets from that night as well. Ritsu-senpai is not all to blame here, even if what he had done was highly inappropriate.  Had I not been so careless, such a turn of events would not have occurred."

"Su~chan, that's–"

"I am not finished, Ritsu-senpai," he interjected.  "I have said and will say this countless times to come, but Knights is a _unit_ that is strongest with the five of us together.  I have had my qualms with Ritsu-senpai, but those are through and done.  It brings me great shame that our personal affairs have affected Knights in such a way, but as foolish as the two of us may be, Knights is now a family, is it not?"

His eyes settled on all the food in front of them with everyone gathered around the table, a small chuckle slipping past his lips.

"To be able to dine like this, laughing, sharing stories—I cannot be more grateful.  I did not have the fortune of having a big family growing up, nor the luxury of often eating dinner with my parents.  However...Being here with everyone from Knights, I cannot think of us as any less than a family. Even with all the problems that we have, I cannot imagine Knights without all five of us together."

After his long speech, he sat back in his seat and reached for his glass to quench his parched throat.  Taking a glance around the room, their faces varied from confused to surprised to indifferent. No one seemed to know what to say.  Leo's eyes were locked back onto Tsukasa's. This time, Tsukasa was able to match his unwavering gaze, determined to prove to him that he believed in everything he said.  He felt a flood of relief the moment he smiled.

"Wahaha, that's our Suo~!  Giving us a lecture even with crumbs all over your face!"

Tsukasa's face immediately flushed.  He shot a glare at Ritsu, who stifled a laugh by covering his mouth with his palm.  It wasn't like he didn't want to tell him earlier, but he'd gotten so heated that he couldn't simply interrupt.

With an aggravated 'Kuaaa!' the tension was quickly lifted.  Ritsu let out a sigh of relief once the chaotic chatter from earlier resumed.  He didn't normally care for much ruckus, but it wasn't Knights without a bit of disarray.

Even if he didn’t show it, he really was thankful for what Tsukasa had to say.  He could have easily turned it against him or used it as a way to get back at him, potentially sabotaging his place in Knights—but he didn’t.  He wanted to reach over and squeeze his hand, something he used to do when he wanted to quietly thank him for something, but his arm stopped midway across the table.  

Tsukasa spotted the slight movement and looked up as Ritsu retracted his hand.  The slight nod and smile was all Ritsu needed to know that he got the message.

“Ah, Rittsu~” Leo called out, his initially cheerful tone garnering Ritsu’s attention while everyone else seemed preoccupied.  The sudden shift in his tone and expression told him he was serious.

“Don’t hurt Suo~ like that again,” he warned.  “Just because you’re an important piece in Knights doesn’t mean you can do selfish things and get away with it.  If you do that kind of thing again, I’ll have you exiled. King’s orders, wahahaha☆”

“Fufu, first day back on the throne and you’re already giving out orders~?” Ritsu said, playing along for a moment before matching his more serious demeanor.  “Mhm...I won’t.”

It didn’t matter how frustrated or betrayed he felt, Ritsu never wanted to make Tsukasa go through that kind of pain again.  He knew it was too late—that no matter what he did, there was nothing he could do to reverse time. Where instead of hurting him, he could have tried to help him through a difficult situation that was out of his control.  It was easy to see now, but at that time, betrayal ate at his mind, destroying any sense of reason left in him.

Even after all that, Tsukasa still stood up for him.  He was someone he couldn’t afford to lose, just like any of the other Knights.

This was how it should be.  The five of them, together. He knew it was only a matter of time before graduation and two of them would have to leave, but he didn't want to accept that just yet.  He wanted to keep it the five of them, no more, no less.

Just the five of them, forever…  


 

Forever.


End file.
